Every few months or so I receive a similar message from a fan of the opinion that I'm not being me. In general these messages explain that when I wear costumes and make-up, dye my hair, and sing about dark things, that I'm not really being my true self. Their argument is that I'm too good looking naturally to be playing dress-up, that if I was to tone down who I was I'd be happier and have more fans and be more popular. In other words if I stopped being Sir JET and was simply Joel, the fitness model, my life would be so much better. Basically what these people are trying to say is that if I was to stop being different and made an effort to be more like everyone else, I'd be happier.
I understand what they're saying, I understand that people fear things that are different and feel safer when the outlandish can be identified under a category of normalcy, but simultaneously, I know their opinions could not be further from the truth. For the truth is, I did make an effort to be normal, for many years. For many years I kept my hair the same color, spent thousands of dollars on head shots, mailing submissions into magazines and agencies, received a gig here and there, but in the end I had nothing. I even at one point spent several hundred dollars on speech lessons in an attempt to sound more masculine when I spoke, because an agent told me my soft-spoken voice and mannerisms didn't match my chiseled face and body. In all though I wasn't happy, because I wanted to wear fun clothes, because I wanted to see what it would be like to change my hair color, because I couldn't stand trying to maintain the same look day in and day out.
My whole transformation into the real me was the basis for the book I wrote. My book was about how to overcome depression by finding ways to live your life that make you happy, and for me that was becoming Sir JET. (Obviously these people who send me these messages never read it). As a gender nonconformist, nothing makes me feel better than putting on a new pair of heels, and just in general trying on clothes that are a challenge, things that as a child I was constantly told I couldn't wear because I was a boy.
In truth I do know what these people are talking about. I see the Facebook pages of these bodybuilders, porn stars, and fitness models and yes, they do have a good amount of more likes than my page, but at the same time I know in my heart how miserable and bored I was trying to be like them, and I think it's just a matter of time before the right people find me; I do feel Sir JET has a place in mainstream society, it's just taking longer than expected.
Until then I offer this message to you: only you know the version of you that will make you happy. Only you know if the way you are living your life feels right, and if someone offers their opinion to you saying otherwise, it's because they fear what is different and are hoping to bring you back to some level of normality, not for your sake but rather for theirs. It doesn't really matter in the greater scheme of things if you are particularly normal or particularly different, what matters is that the way you are feels right. Always go with the feeling, feelings are the true gateway to your happiness.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
10 Ways to Live as your True Self
Happy weekend everyone! While going through my computer I stumbled upon this top 10 list I created back in 2011 to help promote my book, I'm Enough, and thought I would share it with you now. Study these points and feel free to comment with any questions or observations you have.
Sir JET’s Top 10 Tips to Living as Your True Self
1. Eat Happily. Many say eat healthy, but if you are not enjoying food while you eat it, you’re doing just as much damage to your body as eating unhealthy foods by giving it mixed signals, which result in indigestion, etc. There are enough healthy foods out there that you can choose what tastes good to you.
2. Observe your Thoughts. Our minds go a million miles a minute with different thoughts. If we are not careful, we could spend all day thinking about and analyzing negative things and not be aware of it. Take a moment every now and then to ask yourself “what am I thinking about?” and if it’s something bad, see how you can find the good in that situation to focus on instead.
3. Feel Good about Your Appearance. It’s not how you look, but how you feel about how you look that will determine how you will feel in the presence of others. Do you feel beautiful? Do you feel confident? Appearance is subjective, so make your appearance that which you see as beautiful, and feel you look awesome wherever you go.
4. Be accepting of the Appearance of Others. Just as you get to decide how you look, everyone should get to as well. Be okay with the way other people look, for it is their decision to look that way. And remember, we are essentially all one and the same: underneath every costume is a human being just like you.
5. Play Dress-up. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to try something on? Then do it. Now is the time. Experiment with things that you wouldn’t normally wear and see how they make you feel. Nothing is off limits when playing dress-up so have fun with it.
6. Practice Your Affirmations. Say your affirmations to yourself out-loud or silently regularly, as regularly as you wash your face or brush your teeth. Your life will reflect that which you focus upon. Focusing on positive things makes you feel positive.
7. Always desire the Best. You desire to be a great person reaching your full potential, so remind yourself whenever you feel undeserving of something that it simply is not true, for to be the greatest you, you must desire the greatest of all things to come to you.
8. Give more of that which you Desire. The universe is built on a give and take basis. If you desire more of something, try giving some of it. Want more money? Give a little of your own to a cause you believe in, such as donating $20 to your favorite charity. Want someone to love? Give love to people you come in contact with by being friendly and interested in who they are.
9. Study Inspiration. Instead of turning on the television or scrolling through updates on your favorite social network, spend your leisure time reading about or watching things that inspire you and makes you feel good. The more focus you put on the good things in life, the more good things will feel in your experience of your life.
10. That which you desire for yourself, desire for others. The golden rule of “treat others as you want to be treated” is only half the story. When you can see someone else receiving that which you are aiming for, it puts you in a place of harmony with how good it feels to receive it, and that feeling good about receiving is what’s going to bring that goal closer to your reality.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
My Hope for Gender
This morning when I was going over a treatment for a new music video I'm working on I was reminded of some childhood memories. When I was young like most kids I was asked in school what I wanted to be when I grew up, and at the time I said "I want to be a girl." When I was a little kid I was obsessed with girl toys, clothes, jewelry, and of course I wanted everything my sister had. The teacher would usually laugh at me because she said boys can't be girls, and because that wasn't an actual profession. I also used to ask my mother "is there such thing as someone who is neither a boy or a girl?" because I was raised to believe my desires to be like a girl were wrong, and feeling guilty about it because it would make my mom really mad when I expressed myself, and the kids at school made fun of me for talking like a girl. I didn't want to be a boy because boys couldn't have girl things. I had really hoped there was such a thing as someone who is neither a boy or a girl so I could escape that feeling I got when it felt like I was hurting my mother. Instead though I just did what I wanted when she wasn't around. I used to tell the little girls in my class I was a girl who just looked like a boy so that they would invite me to their houses to play dolls (and so I could wear their dress-up leotards with sequins), and when I was older I used to keep a collection of barbies at the home of a little girl I used to babysit so I could feel like I owned something I loved. These little escapades contributed to the theories I work with today, that boys can indeed be girls, because what is stopping them other than someone telling them "no."
I also became extremely reclusive as a child because I learned that you can be yourself when you're alone. When I was alone I could play dress-up, brush barbie dolls hair, and often I go back into that zone whenever I feel unaccepted by the people around me. I still sometimes spend hours going about stuff around the house in heels. The thing is though, I shouldn't still feel that way. We live in a time where "born this way" is a slogan.
Why do I still have these insecurities? The reason I think is that we still live in a world where a boy can't wear a dress, make-up, or high heels without being told he is cross-dressing. I don't like this, because if society has evolved enough to allow women to wear jeans and suits, it's time men enjoy the same freedom with their wardrobes. Men should have a choice if they want to wear skirts, paint their finger nails, and not be told they're doing something contrary to their gender, or that they can only do such if they're eccentric or rock stars. The thing is, we have gender, but we assign gender to objects as a society. A high heel isn't a girl, it's an inanimate object, so the only thing that really stops a boy from trying it on is his beliefs on clothes. The reality is there isn't any reason a boy can't wear high heels from a physical stand-point, it's psychological. This is my goal in life: I want to make it okay not only for myself, but for every boy who wishes to wear clothes and accessories meant for women to wear them without fear of judgement.
Some people have tried to tell me I'm doing drag, which is nonsense. The definition of drag is the impersonation of the opposite of one's physical gender. I do not believe I am impersonating a woman, I believe I am a woman. I also believe I am a man. That may sound confusing, but what I've come to understand is that we're all made up of different amounts of masculine and feminine qualities, and in that sense even though we may have physical gender, we're emotionally and psychologically of both genders. Study the teachings of Deepak Chopra if you desire more information on this theory.
I'm not an anomaly, I know that now. There are many men out there like me. Change though, starts from within, not only for myself, but for all of us. If we are to build a more peaceful society we need to face our own judgments about not only ourselves, but others as well. My mother is still learning; I still haven't brought her 100% over to my side because she was raised by a father who tried to control her by saying women were inferior to men, and I secretly think our disagreements are based on her own unconscious need to control the men who controlled her (raise your hand if your mom's no different lol). I encourage you to try this simple exercise, whenever you spot someone who looks different than you, and you have an urge to comment on them, judge them, ask yourself, "what is it that really bothers me about them?" Follow that with, "Is there a part of me or an experience I've had that they're reminding me of?" Sometimes the answers to these questions can be scary or painful, and sometimes a relief. But just know, the answers to why you are judging someone else are extremely powerful to your own self-growth. As they say, the truth will set you free ^_^.
I also became extremely reclusive as a child because I learned that you can be yourself when you're alone. When I was alone I could play dress-up, brush barbie dolls hair, and often I go back into that zone whenever I feel unaccepted by the people around me. I still sometimes spend hours going about stuff around the house in heels. The thing is though, I shouldn't still feel that way. We live in a time where "born this way" is a slogan.
Why do I still have these insecurities? The reason I think is that we still live in a world where a boy can't wear a dress, make-up, or high heels without being told he is cross-dressing. I don't like this, because if society has evolved enough to allow women to wear jeans and suits, it's time men enjoy the same freedom with their wardrobes. Men should have a choice if they want to wear skirts, paint their finger nails, and not be told they're doing something contrary to their gender, or that they can only do such if they're eccentric or rock stars. The thing is, we have gender, but we assign gender to objects as a society. A high heel isn't a girl, it's an inanimate object, so the only thing that really stops a boy from trying it on is his beliefs on clothes. The reality is there isn't any reason a boy can't wear high heels from a physical stand-point, it's psychological. This is my goal in life: I want to make it okay not only for myself, but for every boy who wishes to wear clothes and accessories meant for women to wear them without fear of judgement.
Some people have tried to tell me I'm doing drag, which is nonsense. The definition of drag is the impersonation of the opposite of one's physical gender. I do not believe I am impersonating a woman, I believe I am a woman. I also believe I am a man. That may sound confusing, but what I've come to understand is that we're all made up of different amounts of masculine and feminine qualities, and in that sense even though we may have physical gender, we're emotionally and psychologically of both genders. Study the teachings of Deepak Chopra if you desire more information on this theory.
I'm not an anomaly, I know that now. There are many men out there like me. Change though, starts from within, not only for myself, but for all of us. If we are to build a more peaceful society we need to face our own judgments about not only ourselves, but others as well. My mother is still learning; I still haven't brought her 100% over to my side because she was raised by a father who tried to control her by saying women were inferior to men, and I secretly think our disagreements are based on her own unconscious need to control the men who controlled her (raise your hand if your mom's no different lol). I encourage you to try this simple exercise, whenever you spot someone who looks different than you, and you have an urge to comment on them, judge them, ask yourself, "what is it that really bothers me about them?" Follow that with, "Is there a part of me or an experience I've had that they're reminding me of?" Sometimes the answers to these questions can be scary or painful, and sometimes a relief. But just know, the answers to why you are judging someone else are extremely powerful to your own self-growth. As they say, the truth will set you free ^_^.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Handling Bullies
I want to talk about tolerance today. Specifically, I want to share a personal opinion about tolerance. This morning via a Gay Star News link on twitter, I read about a male college student in Florida who desired to check out a laptop from the school library to do work on. The young man had a voice that sounded female to the librarian and he had his hair pulled back in a pony tail. After checking his ID the librarian refused to let the young man check out the computer because she believed it was not his ID and in fact he was not a boy but a girl. It took several librarians checking out the ID card before one finally allowed the young man to get his laptop.
The reason this story struck a chord with me so deeply is because I was once that young man. I will share with you a story I have never made public before. Some of you are familiar with the published story of my childhood entitled "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl" (and if you're not simply google the title and the story will pop up), so you know I only whispered until age twenty. It wasn't a complete whisper, it sort of sounded like a raspy sore throat sort of sound. One day during my senior year of high school, I needed to get one of parent's permission to go on a field trip as I had forgotten a permission slip at home. It was a small school and they knew me well, so I just needed to get oral confirmation. I called home but my mother was out. My father had just started a new job, so I called the number on the business card he gave me and a woman answered the phone. I asked to speak with my father and told the woman I was his son. The woman hesitated, and asked me to clarify "Your his son!? You mean his daughter? Excuse me, is this some sort of joke!?" At this point my heart was racing, I was confused and didn't know what to do, apparently my voice sounded like a female on the phone. I insisted I was his son and she started laughing. She then said, "Sorry Honey, he's at a meeting, good-bye."
I didn't get to go on that field trip. When I got home that day I went to my room. I started working on a homework assignment and all of a sudden I stopped and just burst into tears. I just cried, and not like weeping but I was crying like you see people do in movies after someone has died. I didn't know how to handle it, all the embarrassment, all the shame, I just sat there and cried it all out, ruining the paper I had started to write on. I go up from my desk and lied down. I fell asleep. When I woke up the sun had gone down and my face was lying in a pool of tears.
The thing is, I'm sharing this story with you because this and the college student's story bring up a good point: be careful with how you treat others because you'll never know how you'll affect them. Those librarians and the woman on the other end of that phone call were bullies. They were people who were probably having a bad day and decided to take it out on the first victim they could find, or maybe simply they themselves had lived lives where others weren't very nice to them, and so they had to express what they had been taught, that hazing leads to some level of satisfaction. I often note when I now encounter a bully simply this: every bully is somebody else's victim, and most victims if they do not learn to cope with how they've been treated eventually become bullies themselves. We can cope with our bullies, and we can prevent ourselves from becoming bullies if we remember this. As always if we're ever unsure of how to act or respond in a situation, we just need to turn it around, try to figure out what is a rational way to justify bad behavior: the realization that that person was hurt by someone else and he or she is just acting that hurt out.
Although we're evolving as a society, there are still going to be people out there who feel the need to judge, who feel the need to say a man isn't a man if he talks like a girl or looks a certain way. In time though, as long as we stick to educating our youth, people like this will fade away from society, and we will live in a much more tolerant world. Until then, do your homework, work on you, work on your own tolerance and understand if you can overcome how a bully affects you, you will grow to be a better, stronger person, and then you can help other people become stronger too. Forgive your bullies because they were in pain. You may not be able to forgive right away, but in time, trust me, forgiveness is the most beneficial thing you can do for your well being.
The reason this story struck a chord with me so deeply is because I was once that young man. I will share with you a story I have never made public before. Some of you are familiar with the published story of my childhood entitled "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl" (and if you're not simply google the title and the story will pop up), so you know I only whispered until age twenty. It wasn't a complete whisper, it sort of sounded like a raspy sore throat sort of sound. One day during my senior year of high school, I needed to get one of parent's permission to go on a field trip as I had forgotten a permission slip at home. It was a small school and they knew me well, so I just needed to get oral confirmation. I called home but my mother was out. My father had just started a new job, so I called the number on the business card he gave me and a woman answered the phone. I asked to speak with my father and told the woman I was his son. The woman hesitated, and asked me to clarify "Your his son!? You mean his daughter? Excuse me, is this some sort of joke!?" At this point my heart was racing, I was confused and didn't know what to do, apparently my voice sounded like a female on the phone. I insisted I was his son and she started laughing. She then said, "Sorry Honey, he's at a meeting, good-bye."
I didn't get to go on that field trip. When I got home that day I went to my room. I started working on a homework assignment and all of a sudden I stopped and just burst into tears. I just cried, and not like weeping but I was crying like you see people do in movies after someone has died. I didn't know how to handle it, all the embarrassment, all the shame, I just sat there and cried it all out, ruining the paper I had started to write on. I go up from my desk and lied down. I fell asleep. When I woke up the sun had gone down and my face was lying in a pool of tears.
The thing is, I'm sharing this story with you because this and the college student's story bring up a good point: be careful with how you treat others because you'll never know how you'll affect them. Those librarians and the woman on the other end of that phone call were bullies. They were people who were probably having a bad day and decided to take it out on the first victim they could find, or maybe simply they themselves had lived lives where others weren't very nice to them, and so they had to express what they had been taught, that hazing leads to some level of satisfaction. I often note when I now encounter a bully simply this: every bully is somebody else's victim, and most victims if they do not learn to cope with how they've been treated eventually become bullies themselves. We can cope with our bullies, and we can prevent ourselves from becoming bullies if we remember this. As always if we're ever unsure of how to act or respond in a situation, we just need to turn it around, try to figure out what is a rational way to justify bad behavior: the realization that that person was hurt by someone else and he or she is just acting that hurt out.
Although we're evolving as a society, there are still going to be people out there who feel the need to judge, who feel the need to say a man isn't a man if he talks like a girl or looks a certain way. In time though, as long as we stick to educating our youth, people like this will fade away from society, and we will live in a much more tolerant world. Until then, do your homework, work on you, work on your own tolerance and understand if you can overcome how a bully affects you, you will grow to be a better, stronger person, and then you can help other people become stronger too. Forgive your bullies because they were in pain. You may not be able to forgive right away, but in time, trust me, forgiveness is the most beneficial thing you can do for your well being.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
For Your Interpretation
The world is a beautiful place. Likewise, the world is an awful place. It's all in your perspective. There is no right or wrong, according to our perspectives we can be right, we often all feel sure of what we believe. That's a little scary when you see some of the stuff people believe, and it also kind of make sense when you see all the pain and suffering in the world. Naturally though, we all want the same thing, we want to be relieved of pain and experience happiness. The problem then that arises is that we don't all believe we can be pain free, and sometimes in the pursuit of maintaining our pain, we start to wish others would be in pain too. Sticking to our sob stories we repeat them to ourselves in our head, and then we tell them to others like a script we've rehearsed for a film, never realizing the birth of our very pain comes from insisting the pain is very real and inflexible. Alleviating pain starts with being able to focus on that which you would love, rather than that which you feel imprisoned by.
A simple example, July was a really hard month for me. I had some surgeries to alleviate the pains in my head and feet, and not only did I have to deal with then pains of recovering from those surgeries, I developed muscle pains in my neck and arm from sleeping funny to avoid sleeping on stitches. Add to that the stress of a snag in my tour I've been dying to get off the ground and running. During all this I realized though, I didn't have to see this as a painful experience, I could see it as a period of rebirth and recovery, and that is precisely what I did: I took mineral baths almost everyday, I napped in the afternoons, I watched all my favorite hub shows like Littlest Pet Shop and high school anime like Tari Tari, and most importantly, I visualized a better future.
I came to the conclusion my life wasn't coming to an end, it just was in a temporary hold, and though there were moments when I wanted to just break down and cry, I told myself no, I can survive this pain because pain is an everyday thing, it's simply the attention we give to the pain that determines if we can overcome it. My body is now slowly but surely healing, and I have started dialogues with new people in hopes that I can still make this tour happen, and all in all, I feel pretty good. What are you facing today? Will you break through it? Sometimes it's just a matter of believing to help the change get started.
A simple example, July was a really hard month for me. I had some surgeries to alleviate the pains in my head and feet, and not only did I have to deal with then pains of recovering from those surgeries, I developed muscle pains in my neck and arm from sleeping funny to avoid sleeping on stitches. Add to that the stress of a snag in my tour I've been dying to get off the ground and running. During all this I realized though, I didn't have to see this as a painful experience, I could see it as a period of rebirth and recovery, and that is precisely what I did: I took mineral baths almost everyday, I napped in the afternoons, I watched all my favorite hub shows like Littlest Pet Shop and high school anime like Tari Tari, and most importantly, I visualized a better future.
I came to the conclusion my life wasn't coming to an end, it just was in a temporary hold, and though there were moments when I wanted to just break down and cry, I told myself no, I can survive this pain because pain is an everyday thing, it's simply the attention we give to the pain that determines if we can overcome it. My body is now slowly but surely healing, and I have started dialogues with new people in hopes that I can still make this tour happen, and all in all, I feel pretty good. What are you facing today? Will you break through it? Sometimes it's just a matter of believing to help the change get started.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Preventing Bad Days
Negativity is inevitable, everyone experiences bad situations: days not going right, reaching out to others who only deliver disappointments and critical responses in return, or worse, no response, and then you’re left hanging onto a hope that they never intended to respond to. They say when you feed a fear, it grows, and with it, all that the fear brings with it comes stronger into your situation. The feeling that things are only going to get worse is powerful to the person who can’t seem to shake that feeling off, the reason for that being your feelings are more powerful than your thoughts in drawing an outcome. Thinking positive isn’t really a solution to a bad situation, the outcome of the situation is determined by how you feel about the outcome. In other words feeling preceeds thought, though we often think it’s the other way around. We never say, “I want to think better,” we say, “I want to feel better.” We’re a lot more connected to our emotions than we realize.
If you’re feeling resentment for an activity you’re doing, like helping a friend move some heavy furniture, you’re more likely to feel the physical pains of moving that furniture the next day, or worse, injure yourself during the process. This is because you’re giving your attention to the dominant feeling of pain, of the “lord, I wish I didn’t have to do this” anguish rather than the “I’m helping someone I love better his life” warm feeling. How do we solve this problem of always seeming to increase the bad of a bad situation?
We do it by checking into our feelings before taking action with everything we do. Notice how you’re feeling all the time. For example when you wake up in the morning, take a moment to check in with yourself, “How do I feel?” “Why do I feel like this?” and finally “Is there a better thought or way I could feel like this so that things will get better rather than worse?” Breathe during this process, not just simply breathing in and out, but regularly take a deep breath in and out several times, breathing with your mid section (when your belly rises and the chest remains stationary).
Practice this all day long, when a bad feeling or thought comes over you, check in with yourself. It’s not always easy to instantly go from a feeling of sadness or anger to a feeling of joy, but just checking in with yourself and asking these questions can raise your feeling tone to a little more positive, feeling a little better bit by bit. When you can gradually raise your feeling tone, you’ll see things that hurt you before won’t feel as bad, and eventually, won’t even affect you. Here’s to healthy feeling habits <3
If you’re feeling resentment for an activity you’re doing, like helping a friend move some heavy furniture, you’re more likely to feel the physical pains of moving that furniture the next day, or worse, injure yourself during the process. This is because you’re giving your attention to the dominant feeling of pain, of the “lord, I wish I didn’t have to do this” anguish rather than the “I’m helping someone I love better his life” warm feeling. How do we solve this problem of always seeming to increase the bad of a bad situation?
We do it by checking into our feelings before taking action with everything we do. Notice how you’re feeling all the time. For example when you wake up in the morning, take a moment to check in with yourself, “How do I feel?” “Why do I feel like this?” and finally “Is there a better thought or way I could feel like this so that things will get better rather than worse?” Breathe during this process, not just simply breathing in and out, but regularly take a deep breath in and out several times, breathing with your mid section (when your belly rises and the chest remains stationary).
Practice this all day long, when a bad feeling or thought comes over you, check in with yourself. It’s not always easy to instantly go from a feeling of sadness or anger to a feeling of joy, but just checking in with yourself and asking these questions can raise your feeling tone to a little more positive, feeling a little better bit by bit. When you can gradually raise your feeling tone, you’ll see things that hurt you before won’t feel as bad, and eventually, won’t even affect you. Here’s to healthy feeling habits <3
Sunday, March 3, 2013
It Takes more than Lemons
So I haven't been to present on social networks for some time now due to a situation I was in. I was offered an opportunity that although would have completely changed my life for the better and provided everything I would need to take my career to the next level, it ended up falling through due to circumstances outside my control. For a while after receiving the devastating news I felt like I had nothing, as if abandoning my prior life to make room for this new one had destroyed everything I had and I contemplated simply destroying Sir JET all together. It took a lot of negotiating with myself to convince me there was still a chance my dream of being a full-time entertainer could still happen.
A handful of people during my social network absence were emailing my asking if I was still alive, and I jokingly responded to them the same phrase I've used for years in rough times: "life gave me lemons and now I'm making lemonade." That's something we say when we're trying to communicate that we're making good out of a bad situation. This morning though, I thought about it more.
You can't make lemonade out of lemons. If all you have is lemons the best you can do is squish the lemons and make lemon juice. To make lemonade you also need water, a knife, sugar, and a container to put all the ingredients into.
All my life I've been saying I've got lemons, lemons being problems. I never stopped to think that in order to make the lemonade, meaning the good that can come out of troublesome situations, I needed to have these other ingredients and kitchen tools. The thing is, the ingredients and the tools are your resources, the things you have under your belt that can help you turn those situations around. For me, my tools and ingredients are things like my current EP, my creative sense of style, my system of entertainment connections in Los Angeles, the love and support of my mother and other family members, and much more. I realized after looking into all that I had I really could try something new using the contacts and resources I already have, and I'm taking myself out of my problem.
Basically this is what I'm saying: you can't make lemonade out of just lemons. If you are focused on the problem and all you see is this big problem you have, the most you can do is make lemon juice, meaning more problems. You have to take the time to look in the kitchen to see what you've already got and use what you have to create that lemonade (or maybe you have an oven, flour, and a pie pan and want to make a tart ^_^). As Mary Morrissey would say, take the good you have and bless it. You never know just what you can create with what you have until you start searching the cabinets for ingredients.
A handful of people during my social network absence were emailing my asking if I was still alive, and I jokingly responded to them the same phrase I've used for years in rough times: "life gave me lemons and now I'm making lemonade." That's something we say when we're trying to communicate that we're making good out of a bad situation. This morning though, I thought about it more.
You can't make lemonade out of lemons. If all you have is lemons the best you can do is squish the lemons and make lemon juice. To make lemonade you also need water, a knife, sugar, and a container to put all the ingredients into.
All my life I've been saying I've got lemons, lemons being problems. I never stopped to think that in order to make the lemonade, meaning the good that can come out of troublesome situations, I needed to have these other ingredients and kitchen tools. The thing is, the ingredients and the tools are your resources, the things you have under your belt that can help you turn those situations around. For me, my tools and ingredients are things like my current EP, my creative sense of style, my system of entertainment connections in Los Angeles, the love and support of my mother and other family members, and much more. I realized after looking into all that I had I really could try something new using the contacts and resources I already have, and I'm taking myself out of my problem.
Basically this is what I'm saying: you can't make lemonade out of just lemons. If you are focused on the problem and all you see is this big problem you have, the most you can do is make lemon juice, meaning more problems. You have to take the time to look in the kitchen to see what you've already got and use what you have to create that lemonade (or maybe you have an oven, flour, and a pie pan and want to make a tart ^_^). As Mary Morrissey would say, take the good you have and bless it. You never know just what you can create with what you have until you start searching the cabinets for ingredients.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Attracting the Guy You Want Ecourse
Do you have a BROKEN PICKER?
The topic is your love life, and let me get right to the point because I know this issue is vitally important to you.
Have you become resigned to a flat, empty life without True Love? Do you feel stuck with your history of bad relationships and worry that you'll never be able to change your results?
Does it seem that you must've been born with a "Broken Picker" when it comes to choosing a man you can trust, love and respect?
No matter how long you've had a pattern of hooking up with Mr Wrong instead of Mr Right, you can start creating a better outcome, starting tonight!
Get instant access today to the powerful new step-by-step e-course by my good friend, life mastery consultant Evelyn Brooks called "Attract the Guy You WANT!" This 90-day intensive downloadable program has 10 hours of audio coaching lessons, a 50-page workbook and valuable bonuses. The course will show you how to:
• get untangled from the unhealthy relationship you may be in today
• replace your old broken picker with a healthy new "good-man picker"
• change your self-image from people-pleaser (or doormat) into a happy, strong magnet for Good Lovin'
• design and define the relationship you want to attract into your life
Stop making excuses for the guy who leaves you cold. And stop repeating your old history of settling for far less than the joyous juicy romance and lasting love that you dream of experiencing.
Everything that you want can be yours, but you have to take an action and step in the direction of your dream. Why not start a new year off right with the chance to attract the love of your life?
Go now to http://www.evelynbrooks.com/cmd.php?af=1504468
to your happiness ^_^
The topic is your love life, and let me get right to the point because I know this issue is vitally important to you.
Have you become resigned to a flat, empty life without True Love? Do you feel stuck with your history of bad relationships and worry that you'll never be able to change your results?
Does it seem that you must've been born with a "Broken Picker" when it comes to choosing a man you can trust, love and respect?
No matter how long you've had a pattern of hooking up with Mr Wrong instead of Mr Right, you can start creating a better outcome, starting tonight!
Get instant access today to the powerful new step-by-step e-course by my good friend, life mastery consultant Evelyn Brooks called "Attract the Guy You WANT!" This 90-day intensive downloadable program has 10 hours of audio coaching lessons, a 50-page workbook and valuable bonuses. The course will show you how to:
• get untangled from the unhealthy relationship you may be in today
• replace your old broken picker with a healthy new "good-man picker"
• change your self-image from people-pleaser (or doormat) into a happy, strong magnet for Good Lovin'
• design and define the relationship you want to attract into your life
Stop making excuses for the guy who leaves you cold. And stop repeating your old history of settling for far less than the joyous juicy romance and lasting love that you dream of experiencing.
Everything that you want can be yours, but you have to take an action and step in the direction of your dream. Why not start a new year off right with the chance to attract the love of your life?
Go now to http://www.evelynbrooks.com/cmd.php?af=1504468
to your happiness ^_^
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Abundant Universe
When I returned to Arizona for the holiday weekend I met with family and old friends. Some of them were in down spirits, they were frustrated financially and needed to vent it out. I've never claimed to be the knower of all things, but I do know our interpretation of our circumstances determines how we feel. The greatest example I've heard of this was from Mary Morrissey. She was telling the story of two couples who each had houses that were destroyed by a wild fire that went through the same neighborhood. The first couple were sobbing, saying they had lost everything and didn't know what to do. The second couple although a little sad, simply stated that they could rebuild, that it was simply stuff they had lost, and that they were happy no member of the family had been injured or died.
When I was resting in my room at my parents' home, I just opened one of my books I had with me at random, How to Attract Money by Dr Joseph Murphy, and the page I came upon was quite remarkable, for there was a paragraph that really spoke to the situation. I share it with you here:
Knowledge of the spiritual power is the means to the Royal Road to Riches of all kinds, whether your desire is spiritual, mental, or material. The student of the laws of mind, or the student of the spiritual principle, believes and knows absolutely that regardless of the economic situation, stock market fluctuation, depression, strikes, war, or other conditions and circumstances, he will always be amply supplied regardless of what form money may take. The reason for this is he abides in the consciousness of wealth. The student has convinced himself in his mind that wealth is forever flowing freely in his life and there is always a Divine surplus. Should there be a war tomorrow and all the student's present holdings become valueless, as the German marks did after the First World War, he would still attract wealth and be cared for, regardless of the form the new currency took.
In other words, don't let conditions or circumstances be your guide. We all started in a state of abundance. A baby knows it will be cared for. It doesn't know if there isn't enough, it knows if it cries, ie make the call with faith, someone will come help it. Likewise, hold on to your innocence and cast off negative judgments. The person who believes in an abundant universe, making that call for help with complete faith, will always be provided for. Things work out, trust me, you just have to believe it will all be good.
When I was resting in my room at my parents' home, I just opened one of my books I had with me at random, How to Attract Money by Dr Joseph Murphy, and the page I came upon was quite remarkable, for there was a paragraph that really spoke to the situation. I share it with you here:
Knowledge of the spiritual power is the means to the Royal Road to Riches of all kinds, whether your desire is spiritual, mental, or material. The student of the laws of mind, or the student of the spiritual principle, believes and knows absolutely that regardless of the economic situation, stock market fluctuation, depression, strikes, war, or other conditions and circumstances, he will always be amply supplied regardless of what form money may take. The reason for this is he abides in the consciousness of wealth. The student has convinced himself in his mind that wealth is forever flowing freely in his life and there is always a Divine surplus. Should there be a war tomorrow and all the student's present holdings become valueless, as the German marks did after the First World War, he would still attract wealth and be cared for, regardless of the form the new currency took.
In other words, don't let conditions or circumstances be your guide. We all started in a state of abundance. A baby knows it will be cared for. It doesn't know if there isn't enough, it knows if it cries, ie make the call with faith, someone will come help it. Likewise, hold on to your innocence and cast off negative judgments. The person who believes in an abundant universe, making that call for help with complete faith, will always be provided for. Things work out, trust me, you just have to believe it will all be good.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Shout-out to the Lonely Lyrics
By popular demand, here are the lyrics to my new song, "Shout-out to the Lonely."
Verse1
This club is so mindless (mindless)
But the melody brings me back here
They're lined up and waiting (waiting)
Dirty bug's crawling up my thigh
Pre Chorus
So heavy, thoughts are plenty
Sweet candy gracing my lips
My wasted but I'll never stop igniting from the circumstance
Chorus
Love is a drug, it's never enough
Shout-out to the Lonely
And my soul-mate is so far away
Shout-out to the Lonely
Heal me, reveal me, as someone, who's always wanting
But they'll shut me down, and then turn around
Shout-out to the Lonely
Verse 2
Your eyes are enticing (-ticing)
Inviting me through your doorway
Shut down and rejected (-jected)
In my pants like a 1, 2, 3, 4!
c.2012 Joel Evan Publishing
buy it here: itunes download ^_^
Verse1
This club is so mindless (mindless)
But the melody brings me back here
They're lined up and waiting (waiting)
Dirty bug's crawling up my thigh
Pre Chorus
So heavy, thoughts are plenty
Sweet candy gracing my lips
My wasted but I'll never stop igniting from the circumstance
Chorus
Love is a drug, it's never enough
Shout-out to the Lonely
And my soul-mate is so far away
Shout-out to the Lonely
Heal me, reveal me, as someone, who's always wanting
But they'll shut me down, and then turn around
Shout-out to the Lonely
Verse 2
Your eyes are enticing (-ticing)
Inviting me through your doorway
Shut down and rejected (-jected)
In my pants like a 1, 2, 3, 4!
c.2012 Joel Evan Publishing
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Madonna's Back-up Dancer and Me: My Journey in Working with Carlton Wilborn
Carlton reminded me of a cat. You know how some people have personalities like cats, dogs, or birds? Carlton was definitely a cat. He was easy to communicate with, but the moment I asked for clarification on something he would begin to get irked, and if I disagreed with a suggestion, he wouldn't let the thing go until I would reluctantly recognize his opinion. Used to getting things my way, this was quite a challenge for me, we butted heads on a few issues. He also hated repeating himself, I would almost feel guilty asking him to repeat things. I often felt like a little kid around him. However new and alien working with Carlton was though, there was a real strength in it for me. I got a chance to work with someone who had an opinion about things, someone who knew what he wanted when he spoke and didn't hold back, and this in turn encouraged me to be more to the point in what I would say, and I think overall really boosted my confidence in my own self-worth. When the shoot day came around I was a lot more used to Carlton's way of directing, so things went a lot smoother than expected.
Often we as people want things to be easy, we want a system of peace around us. We avoid confrontational people because we fear the challenge will upset our balanced world. The thing is though, we need to be challenged, we need constant challenges if we're ever going to grow and evolve as people. Nature mimics life: think of how a body builder must constantly be pushing his or her body to the limit in order to make greater muscle gains. The same is true of our minds: in order to get to the next stage of our lives, we need to welcome people into our lives who will challenge our beliefs and cause us to think. The lesson I learned: always know there is a better you on the other side, but you'll never reach that you until you make an attempt to climb that mountain.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
YOUR FANTASY IS POWER
I often warn myself since the rampage of negative comments on the "Storm" video to not read the comments coming in on my videos. The reason being if someone says something harsh it'll haunt me the rest of the day. I can't help but take it personally, but then again I also have to remind myself that that person speaks ill because s/he is in pain and doesn't know how to deal with it other than cyber-bullying a stranger. And if we are all one and the same, then his/her pain is just as much my pain, and then I understand, if I was in pain I would want someone to know, I would want someone to notice me and make me feel better. In that sense I can easily talk myself out of it.
Just now that temptation to look at video comments took over me. There was a debate going on about my sexuality in the "Feelin Dirty" comments, to which the chatters' debate ended with the claim that I was indeed homosexual due to the tonality of my speaking voice. Obviously these individuals never read "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl," for then they would know it took me nearly a decade to come to terms and be okay with the sound of my voice, and as such find it a little difficult to deal with vocal criticisms. The tone of one's voice has as much to do with one's sexual orientation as the size of their nose, ie, absolutely nothing.
But this discussion got me thinking, my sexuality is questioned a lot because people on the internet are lonely, they want reassurance the person they're communicating with, watching in videos, fascinated by the pictures of, is indeed on their team. The truth is, someone on the internet isn't exactly a member of your life. Although they may be indeed a real person, they are your fantasy, and as such, it really doesn't matter if they are homosexual or heterosexual in real life because you will never actually be sexually involved with this person. All that matters is how you feel about them as a fantasy. If you can fantasize about being with that person, that's healthy, and in the long-run will encourage you to find the love of your life when you are ready to find that person, as you in your fantasies have deemed yourself worthy of love. The opposite is also true, if you're so concerned with whether this fantasy person would be attracted to you and thus feel ashamed to fantasize about them and instead obsess over who they really are, you're hurting yourself. You're telling the universe that you're unworthy of your fantasies, your own imagination, and that's crazy.
Love your fantasies, nurture them because they are your heart's desires. If you condemn your fantasies and insist that reality is better, you're creating a negative reality around you. The reality is, a reality created out of your fantasies will give birth to the life you were meant to live. If you ever hire a life coach, the first question s/he will ask you is "what would you love?" and you'll create a picture of your ideal life in minute detail to him/her. Don't ever be ashamed of wanting love, for the closer you can emotionally match the actual feeling of loving and being loved, the closer you will come to reaching that goal.
Just now that temptation to look at video comments took over me. There was a debate going on about my sexuality in the "Feelin Dirty" comments, to which the chatters' debate ended with the claim that I was indeed homosexual due to the tonality of my speaking voice. Obviously these individuals never read "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl," for then they would know it took me nearly a decade to come to terms and be okay with the sound of my voice, and as such find it a little difficult to deal with vocal criticisms. The tone of one's voice has as much to do with one's sexual orientation as the size of their nose, ie, absolutely nothing.
But this discussion got me thinking, my sexuality is questioned a lot because people on the internet are lonely, they want reassurance the person they're communicating with, watching in videos, fascinated by the pictures of, is indeed on their team. The truth is, someone on the internet isn't exactly a member of your life. Although they may be indeed a real person, they are your fantasy, and as such, it really doesn't matter if they are homosexual or heterosexual in real life because you will never actually be sexually involved with this person. All that matters is how you feel about them as a fantasy. If you can fantasize about being with that person, that's healthy, and in the long-run will encourage you to find the love of your life when you are ready to find that person, as you in your fantasies have deemed yourself worthy of love. The opposite is also true, if you're so concerned with whether this fantasy person would be attracted to you and thus feel ashamed to fantasize about them and instead obsess over who they really are, you're hurting yourself. You're telling the universe that you're unworthy of your fantasies, your own imagination, and that's crazy.
Love your fantasies, nurture them because they are your heart's desires. If you condemn your fantasies and insist that reality is better, you're creating a negative reality around you. The reality is, a reality created out of your fantasies will give birth to the life you were meant to live. If you ever hire a life coach, the first question s/he will ask you is "what would you love?" and you'll create a picture of your ideal life in minute detail to him/her. Don't ever be ashamed of wanting love, for the closer you can emotionally match the actual feeling of loving and being loved, the closer you will come to reaching that goal.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Say more by Saying Less
I've recently been introduced to a new kind of greeting card that I have become rather fond of. They're from a company called "Talkless" (www.talklessgreetings.com). These cards are the brain child of graphic artist Juan Markos and Francine Beppu from The Real L Word. A sustainable green greeting card, their name says it all, cards with the initiative that you say so much more of what you mean by saying it simply. Their signature greeting card is one of a woman with lips that say "talk less" on the outside of the card and then "do more" on the inside. Another card says "happy birthday, get ready," on the outside, followed by "we're having birthday sex" on the inside. Fabulously clever and to the point.
These cards have gotten me to think, "talk less and do more, what does that mean?" It reminds me of a story in Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich where a clergyman who had a definite desire to create a school in which students learned by doing rather than studying. He had a definite vision for this desire, but knew it would cost $1 million to create. For months he thought and thought until an idea came for him to give a sermon on the subject. The instant the preacher made that decision all sorts of ideas came to him about what he would say, and the sermon practically wrote itself. When he got up to the podium to give the speech the following day, he realized in his haste to get to the church the sermon had been left at home. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and like that he was able to deliver all the important points of his sermon with ease. At the end of the speech a man from the back of the room came up to the podium and expressed he was so moved by the speech he decided he would give the clergyman his million dollars the very next morning.
In essence like the greeting cards I'm urging you to think about what you want, decide what you could do for that goal, and start on it right away. The more ideas you follow, the less explaining you'll have to do when things don't work out, because you'll know you are creating your own destiny, and that all parts are part of the master plan. Success comes from having an idea and following on those instincts to put that idea into action. Deciding what to do, and doing it: "Talking less and doing more."
These cards have gotten me to think, "talk less and do more, what does that mean?" It reminds me of a story in Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich where a clergyman who had a definite desire to create a school in which students learned by doing rather than studying. He had a definite vision for this desire, but knew it would cost $1 million to create. For months he thought and thought until an idea came for him to give a sermon on the subject. The instant the preacher made that decision all sorts of ideas came to him about what he would say, and the sermon practically wrote itself. When he got up to the podium to give the speech the following day, he realized in his haste to get to the church the sermon had been left at home. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and like that he was able to deliver all the important points of his sermon with ease. At the end of the speech a man from the back of the room came up to the podium and expressed he was so moved by the speech he decided he would give the clergyman his million dollars the very next morning.
In essence like the greeting cards I'm urging you to think about what you want, decide what you could do for that goal, and start on it right away. The more ideas you follow, the less explaining you'll have to do when things don't work out, because you'll know you are creating your own destiny, and that all parts are part of the master plan. Success comes from having an idea and following on those instincts to put that idea into action. Deciding what to do, and doing it: "Talking less and doing more."
Saturday, May 19, 2012
How to Become Boyfriend Material
I see posts on facebook quite often about how lonely people are and how they wish they had a boyfriend. I also see posts about people saying what a good-hearted or good-looking person they are and yet still they can't get a date. What does this all mean?
Gandhi is often misquoted as saying "be the change you wish to see in the world." The real quote is "become the change you wish to see in the world." This simply means life is an ongoing process, that if we desire changes and new things to come into our lives, we need to make those changes welcome in a carefully crafted way. Life is a journey of becoming, because once you become or have happen the thing you wish for, you move on to wishing for greater things.
Become the change you wish to see. If you want to experience more love in your life, become more loving. All too often there is the misnomer that good-looking people receive love for being good-looking. The truth is, good-looking people get exactly what they want: they get good looks. If you spend your life making a tremendous effort to be good-looking, people will notice you, they will look at you. However, that's all you get, you get looks. You could spend hours in the gym, breeze off to the tanning salon, and spend hundreds of dollars on tight t-shirts and jeans that accentuate your figure. If you then go to the bar or whatnot, people will look at you, it is true, they will find you good-looking. If you go to the gym to cruise good-looking men, and give them alluring stares, it is true they might stare back, but there is no real connection. If you post photos of yourself on your social network pages, people will look at them. You will be good-looking to hundreds, maybe millions of people, but you'll still be lonely. Why is that? It is the Law of Attraction: attracting to yourself the energies you create.
Become the change you wish to see. Think of your goal: is it to be more good-looking to more people so you get more looks, or is it to become someone who attracts people to them for the purpose of human interaction? Think then about what is attractive, what makes you want to spend time with another person? You like a person who finds you interesting. If you walk by a stranger and he tells you he likes your shoes, you feel really good. If he continues to compliment different things about you, you feel a need to respond, you like the energy he is giving out because he is getting interested in you. Therefore, to bring people to be attracted to you, you must give them reason to find you attractive, you must make them feel welcome. The more often you do it, the more natural it will feel. Eventually it will be like second nature. Start with just random people, or friends, just keep being open to feelings of giving and see what conversations form. Interested people are interesting.
Further the previous idea, become the change incrementally. What are the qualities you want in a partner? Make a list. Do you want someone who brings you breakfast in bed, is neat and tidy, smells like rosewood, makes you laugh, does charity work in his spare time? Take these attributes to yourself. Become the change, become the person you are seeking and you can't help but attract them to you. Make people laugh, prepare a meal for someone in your life now with love, find a perfume or cologne that you enjoy the smell of and envision the love of your life finding that scent on you irresistible. If you are of the opposite gender of your perfect match, don't let that stop you. If you want someone who is handsome, he is handsome because he takes care of himself physically, so do that for yourself.
Above all, don't worry about perfection, you are becoming the change, not being the change, you are moving in the right direction. Life is a journey, a gradual step by step process: we learn how to walk by discovering motion, then crawling, then standing up straight, then moving one leg at a time, and we'll still fall down while trying to get it right. Even today we may even stumble while walking. Finding ways to make yourself lovable attracts love to you. Enjoy the process of discovering you so that when that perfect match does find you, he'll get exactly what he wanted, the love of his life.
Gandhi is often misquoted as saying "be the change you wish to see in the world." The real quote is "become the change you wish to see in the world." This simply means life is an ongoing process, that if we desire changes and new things to come into our lives, we need to make those changes welcome in a carefully crafted way. Life is a journey of becoming, because once you become or have happen the thing you wish for, you move on to wishing for greater things.
Become the change you wish to see. If you want to experience more love in your life, become more loving. All too often there is the misnomer that good-looking people receive love for being good-looking. The truth is, good-looking people get exactly what they want: they get good looks. If you spend your life making a tremendous effort to be good-looking, people will notice you, they will look at you. However, that's all you get, you get looks. You could spend hours in the gym, breeze off to the tanning salon, and spend hundreds of dollars on tight t-shirts and jeans that accentuate your figure. If you then go to the bar or whatnot, people will look at you, it is true, they will find you good-looking. If you go to the gym to cruise good-looking men, and give them alluring stares, it is true they might stare back, but there is no real connection. If you post photos of yourself on your social network pages, people will look at them. You will be good-looking to hundreds, maybe millions of people, but you'll still be lonely. Why is that? It is the Law of Attraction: attracting to yourself the energies you create.
Become the change you wish to see. Think of your goal: is it to be more good-looking to more people so you get more looks, or is it to become someone who attracts people to them for the purpose of human interaction? Think then about what is attractive, what makes you want to spend time with another person? You like a person who finds you interesting. If you walk by a stranger and he tells you he likes your shoes, you feel really good. If he continues to compliment different things about you, you feel a need to respond, you like the energy he is giving out because he is getting interested in you. Therefore, to bring people to be attracted to you, you must give them reason to find you attractive, you must make them feel welcome. The more often you do it, the more natural it will feel. Eventually it will be like second nature. Start with just random people, or friends, just keep being open to feelings of giving and see what conversations form. Interested people are interesting.
Further the previous idea, become the change incrementally. What are the qualities you want in a partner? Make a list. Do you want someone who brings you breakfast in bed, is neat and tidy, smells like rosewood, makes you laugh, does charity work in his spare time? Take these attributes to yourself. Become the change, become the person you are seeking and you can't help but attract them to you. Make people laugh, prepare a meal for someone in your life now with love, find a perfume or cologne that you enjoy the smell of and envision the love of your life finding that scent on you irresistible. If you are of the opposite gender of your perfect match, don't let that stop you. If you want someone who is handsome, he is handsome because he takes care of himself physically, so do that for yourself.
Above all, don't worry about perfection, you are becoming the change, not being the change, you are moving in the right direction. Life is a journey, a gradual step by step process: we learn how to walk by discovering motion, then crawling, then standing up straight, then moving one leg at a time, and we'll still fall down while trying to get it right. Even today we may even stumble while walking. Finding ways to make yourself lovable attracts love to you. Enjoy the process of discovering you so that when that perfect match does find you, he'll get exactly what he wanted, the love of his life.
Monday, March 26, 2012
The Story behind J.E.T.
I'm going to take a moment to address some concerns from the fans. Recently I've received several comments on my photos asking me to go back to the version of my image that's a little less creative, basic catalog look would be the best description. Last year, 2011, was the first year I really began to experiment with my looks. I've slightly altered my look a little every year, but only the most die-hard fan would notice that. Last year though I began to really experiment with my image: hair color changes and the integration of clothes originally designed for women. Truth be told, granting myself this freedom to play, I've never been so happy and at one with the universe.
Those clothes may have been originally designed for women, but the truth is, clothes have no gender, they are not living things, we give our clothes gender. A blind man would not know whether a tank top was cut to fit a woman's body or a man's, and a young child doesn't know boys don't wear dresses unless a parent tells him so, and that parent would not know unless someone told him, and so on.
If you read my book, I'm Enough or the online article "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl," you recall I grew up in a home where a girl could do anything a boy could do, but a boy couldn't do everything a girl could do. I love ornate things, that which is accented with ribbons and jewels, and shoes with heels make me feel taller. As a child I didn't know I wasn't allowed to have the things my sister had until someone told me boys couldn't have girl things. I was that young child I just spoke of in the previous paragraph. I hung onto that idea for the longest time, and it effected much of my life. I've always had girl things: I'm obsessed with japanese dolls, and jewels, and I have a whole collection of things accented with rhinestones, but I hoarded these things and would only bring them out when I was alone. If I didn't get a record deal, or a song of mine didn't chart, I was told it was because I wasn't a pretty girl and therefore unworthy of being a singer. At some point I finally had to say that all this just wasn't true, that I wasn't inferior to a girl and therefore, I could do anything they could do and do it well. That was the beginning of my transition into not only allowing myself to experiment in the public eye, but also realize I need to help others see what I'm seeing.
We don't think it odd if a woman plays sports, wears loose fitting jeans, or has an interest in engineering. These are all things when my mother was a child that were forbidden. Why do we need to say a man in heels is wrong? Has everyone forgotten the platform shoes of 1970? And who's to say a man still cannot wear a skirt? The only reason we reject these notions is because we're stuck in paradigms of gender identity. Our identity isn't determined by our clothes, we all know this and yet we're still judging. One fan told me I was doing drag in my photos. He was calling it drag because from his perspective a man is trying to be a woman when he wears women's clothes. A man is only doing drag when he's impersonating a woman. I'm not trying to look like a woman, I'm playing dress-up and wearing things that boost my confidence and I have fun wearing. I don't care if something was meant for a woman, if it's fun to wear I'm going to rock the sh*t out of it. Mark my words, there will come a day when a man in heels will be as normal as a woman in pants.
So I say this friend, experiment with your thinking. Is there something you think is cool but you can't imagine yourself in it because you're afraid of what others will say? Is there something you see someone wearing that you feel is gross or inappropriate? Feelings in both those instances come from fear and insecurity. Instead of feeling fear and insecurity, how are you going to practice love today? How would love see the things you are seeing? See the universe as a friendly place and everyone around you becomes just that. I'm working on it, and I think we all should.
Those clothes may have been originally designed for women, but the truth is, clothes have no gender, they are not living things, we give our clothes gender. A blind man would not know whether a tank top was cut to fit a woman's body or a man's, and a young child doesn't know boys don't wear dresses unless a parent tells him so, and that parent would not know unless someone told him, and so on.
If you read my book, I'm Enough or the online article "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl," you recall I grew up in a home where a girl could do anything a boy could do, but a boy couldn't do everything a girl could do. I love ornate things, that which is accented with ribbons and jewels, and shoes with heels make me feel taller. As a child I didn't know I wasn't allowed to have the things my sister had until someone told me boys couldn't have girl things. I was that young child I just spoke of in the previous paragraph. I hung onto that idea for the longest time, and it effected much of my life. I've always had girl things: I'm obsessed with japanese dolls, and jewels, and I have a whole collection of things accented with rhinestones, but I hoarded these things and would only bring them out when I was alone. If I didn't get a record deal, or a song of mine didn't chart, I was told it was because I wasn't a pretty girl and therefore unworthy of being a singer. At some point I finally had to say that all this just wasn't true, that I wasn't inferior to a girl and therefore, I could do anything they could do and do it well. That was the beginning of my transition into not only allowing myself to experiment in the public eye, but also realize I need to help others see what I'm seeing.
We don't think it odd if a woman plays sports, wears loose fitting jeans, or has an interest in engineering. These are all things when my mother was a child that were forbidden. Why do we need to say a man in heels is wrong? Has everyone forgotten the platform shoes of 1970? And who's to say a man still cannot wear a skirt? The only reason we reject these notions is because we're stuck in paradigms of gender identity. Our identity isn't determined by our clothes, we all know this and yet we're still judging. One fan told me I was doing drag in my photos. He was calling it drag because from his perspective a man is trying to be a woman when he wears women's clothes. A man is only doing drag when he's impersonating a woman. I'm not trying to look like a woman, I'm playing dress-up and wearing things that boost my confidence and I have fun wearing. I don't care if something was meant for a woman, if it's fun to wear I'm going to rock the sh*t out of it. Mark my words, there will come a day when a man in heels will be as normal as a woman in pants.
So I say this friend, experiment with your thinking. Is there something you think is cool but you can't imagine yourself in it because you're afraid of what others will say? Is there something you see someone wearing that you feel is gross or inappropriate? Feelings in both those instances come from fear and insecurity. Instead of feeling fear and insecurity, how are you going to practice love today? How would love see the things you are seeing? See the universe as a friendly place and everyone around you becomes just that. I'm working on it, and I think we all should.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Truth about Good Posture
Posture. I've touched on the subject before but I would like to go into depth on why it is important to have good posture. The only reason I bring it up is because I have rather horrible posture *_*, but just recently I've realized how I need to stop it, and I'll explain why. I look down at the ground when I walk most of the time, or I look up at the sky. In turn I often feel lonely, and I've developed the reputation of being shy and unapproachable. In fact, I'll look anywhere possible to avoid other people's faces. A paradigm of mine is a fear of looking strangers in the face and meeting their eyes. The fear stems from childhood when I would look someone in the face and they would say something mean to me. It's silly that I still carry around such a fear, and so from this point forward, as I encourage you to work on your posture, I commit to working on mine as well.
What is the reason for good posture? Shoulders back, eyes focused on the horizon, and a smile across our lips, really impacts us on a sub-conscious level. When you take this stance as you move around your day, it becomes inevitable that your gaze will meet the people you cross. By saying hello to these people, maybe even asking how they are, or complimenting something about them, it will in turn open you up. It's impossible to feel bad when you are being pleasant to another, and for them to acknowledge your kindness is an amazing feeling. Think of how good you feel when you tell someone you like their shoes, etc., and they respond with a thank you, or even may compliment you on something as well.
That is the purpose of good posture: you're building your confidence with complimenting others, and over time this translates into you feeling like a friendlier person. If you are in search of the more friends, or the love of your life, by feeling these feelings more regularly, you are attracting such into your life. Remember like attracts like, friendly people who feel loved attract just that.
What is the reason for good posture? Shoulders back, eyes focused on the horizon, and a smile across our lips, really impacts us on a sub-conscious level. When you take this stance as you move around your day, it becomes inevitable that your gaze will meet the people you cross. By saying hello to these people, maybe even asking how they are, or complimenting something about them, it will in turn open you up. It's impossible to feel bad when you are being pleasant to another, and for them to acknowledge your kindness is an amazing feeling. Think of how good you feel when you tell someone you like their shoes, etc., and they respond with a thank you, or even may compliment you on something as well.
That is the purpose of good posture: you're building your confidence with complimenting others, and over time this translates into you feeling like a friendlier person. If you are in search of the more friends, or the love of your life, by feeling these feelings more regularly, you are attracting such into your life. Remember like attracts like, friendly people who feel loved attract just that.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Self Love in Circumstance
Almost everyone knows what it is like to be loved unconditionally. And if we don't know maybe what it is like, we know what the phrase unconditional love means. It means loving without any reason to love, a love based on pure trust that that other person will love us no matter what and we them. No matter who is in your life, there is always one person we can love unconditionally, and that person is ourselves. Loving yourself unconditionally is more than just saying "I like myself," in the mirror, it's also remembering to never condemn anything you do. If you think you do something that is bad, or irritating to others, or you say things like "I'm just a bitch, deal with it!" that's not loving yourself, that's coming to terms with self-hate, which will just make you feel uncomfortable and lower your self-esteem over time. Be okay with being you at all times. And when you say or do something that you feel was in the wrong, remind yourself it was simply an experience that is now in the past, and when a similar situation arises again, you will take different action. Just the thought of knowing you will handle things in a more positive way in the future is a step up from sitting there and reminding yourself you did something wrong. The idea of rewarding yourself everyday is also very powerful overtime. At the end of each day, ask yourself, "what did I do right today?" Make a list if you can. The more you focus on what things are good in your life and the things you're doing right, the less of an emotional impact anything bad will have on you.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Becoming an Upper
A very interesting thing happened to me last night. I ran into an acquaintance of mine who I met about two years ago and we had a lovely conversation. At the end of the conversation I said something to the degree of "We're friends, we should hang out more." Without turning around he responded with a "No, probably not. I'm told I'm kinda a downer to be around." I didn't think too much at that point and simply answered, "Well I'm an upper. If you hang out with me I'll help you make the shift into upper, so I've been told." And with a mutual laugh we parted ways.
Around 2am that morning I woke up unable to fall back to sleep again, and the thought entered my mind that I had once been on my acquaintance's side of the conversation, only my conversation partner was not so kind as I was. It was in the summer a few years ago. I was dating an older gentleman long distance. For about a year and a half I would every few months hop on a plane to go visit him. I was enamored with this man, he was blond and looked like prince charming from a childhood fairytale. I finally summed up the courage to ask him if he would like to take the relationship further and be my boyfriend, maybe I could even move to his city so we could be closer and get to know one another was my suggestion. At this point he fell silent. After what seemed like a very long amount of time he answered with, "Well Joel, I don't really think I want to date someone like you because you're kinda a downer. You're just such a sad person and I'm a happy person. I spent so much of my life being sad I feel like I only want to be around happy people now." I fell silent and simply stayed silent until he drove me to the airport. How do you respond to someone telling you you bring them down just by being you?
I didn't think I was a sad person until he had said something, up until that point I just thought I was me. Earlier in 2010 when I restarted my spiritual work I realized that most often I did tend to sit on the negative side of things, that I felt great power from pointing out things that were wrong in situations. The saying goes, pay attention to what you are paying attention to, your thoughts control how you feel. If you are thinking negatively about the things around you, they're going to affect you negatively and you'll feel bad. The truth is, circumstances are circumstances, we only notice if they are bad if we are focused on bad feelings. In other words that man may have said he was a happy person, but if he truly was happy he would have only seen the good things about me, he would not have been so insistent on the idea that I was a negative person unless he was mainly focusing on negativity. Conversely, during our conversation last night I did not even notice my acquaintance saying anything particularly negative, I was simply enjoying having a familiar face to hang out with. After he had said that he was a downer all I wanted to do was convince him he wasn't, or at least bring him to my level of perception, that it was fun talking to him.
My experience last night showed me how much I have changed over the years, that inevitably people really can change for the better. If you think you are a negative person, you can change that perception by just noticing your thoughts. Whenever you notice yourself stating a negative judgment, ask yourself, "is there another way to look at this situation, what is the good in this?" And if someone you know thinks s/he is a negative person, remind him/her something you like about him/her, over time the continuous reassurance to yourself as well as others that you and they are wonderful people will help create a wonderful shift. Here's to happiness ^_^!
Around 2am that morning I woke up unable to fall back to sleep again, and the thought entered my mind that I had once been on my acquaintance's side of the conversation, only my conversation partner was not so kind as I was. It was in the summer a few years ago. I was dating an older gentleman long distance. For about a year and a half I would every few months hop on a plane to go visit him. I was enamored with this man, he was blond and looked like prince charming from a childhood fairytale. I finally summed up the courage to ask him if he would like to take the relationship further and be my boyfriend, maybe I could even move to his city so we could be closer and get to know one another was my suggestion. At this point he fell silent. After what seemed like a very long amount of time he answered with, "Well Joel, I don't really think I want to date someone like you because you're kinda a downer. You're just such a sad person and I'm a happy person. I spent so much of my life being sad I feel like I only want to be around happy people now." I fell silent and simply stayed silent until he drove me to the airport. How do you respond to someone telling you you bring them down just by being you?
I didn't think I was a sad person until he had said something, up until that point I just thought I was me. Earlier in 2010 when I restarted my spiritual work I realized that most often I did tend to sit on the negative side of things, that I felt great power from pointing out things that were wrong in situations. The saying goes, pay attention to what you are paying attention to, your thoughts control how you feel. If you are thinking negatively about the things around you, they're going to affect you negatively and you'll feel bad. The truth is, circumstances are circumstances, we only notice if they are bad if we are focused on bad feelings. In other words that man may have said he was a happy person, but if he truly was happy he would have only seen the good things about me, he would not have been so insistent on the idea that I was a negative person unless he was mainly focusing on negativity. Conversely, during our conversation last night I did not even notice my acquaintance saying anything particularly negative, I was simply enjoying having a familiar face to hang out with. After he had said that he was a downer all I wanted to do was convince him he wasn't, or at least bring him to my level of perception, that it was fun talking to him.
My experience last night showed me how much I have changed over the years, that inevitably people really can change for the better. If you think you are a negative person, you can change that perception by just noticing your thoughts. Whenever you notice yourself stating a negative judgment, ask yourself, "is there another way to look at this situation, what is the good in this?" And if someone you know thinks s/he is a negative person, remind him/her something you like about him/her, over time the continuous reassurance to yourself as well as others that you and they are wonderful people will help create a wonderful shift. Here's to happiness ^_^!
Friday, February 3, 2012
Nobody's Ugly
I wanted to talk about appearance. It's on my mind quite a bit. I play with my appearance contstantly, almost everyday, because I find it amusing to alter my appearance. I don't want to look the same everyday. I love mirrors because they show me how something looks on me.
Growing up I despised the mirror, I didn't want to know what I looked like. It frightened me to be photographed. I often hid on picture day. There are actually no photos of me during my freshman and sophomore years in high school. I can't pin point the shift in my life, when the enemy that was my appearance became my best friend, confidant, and shelter from the outside world, but indeed it was for the better.
There still was a glitch though in the system though. It was that I started to notice what others looked like. We have a safety mechanism in our system known as our judgment. It serves a purpose, we can't survive without judgment, the easiest example being we know a hot stove will burn our hand. Sometimes though we use our judgment too much. When we look at other people and deem them ugly or beautiful, it can damage us. Although on some level this judgment is needed so we can determine what appearances make us feel good to be around, the reality of it is when we make a judgment about another person, we're stating indirectly how we feel about ourselves. When you say someone is ugly, you're really saying you feel ugly. Although it's nice to find someone beautiful, it's only nice when you can feel beautiful too when you think it; all too often we're saying they're beautiful in comparison to our perceived ugliness.
It's true, in my early modeling days, I had to look at thousands of images of other men when I sat down with photographers, and I hated it. They would ask me what I thought of other models, and I thought they meant "tell me what is inferior or superior about this person to you." If I saw even the slightest of what appeared to be a flaw with these models, I would point it out, sometimes even make fun of them. At the end of it all I felt gross. If I said someone was fat, that evening I would most likely look at myself in the mirror and think I needed to loose a bit of weight. If I said someone had an ugly face, I started to notice aspects of my appearance that I wasn't comfortable with. It also frightened me to think what others were saying about me when I wasn't there.
If we are ever to feel good about the way we look, truly feel good, we need to let go of any judgments we may have of the way we and others look. We need to accept the appearance of all, and understand they look that way for a reason only pertinent to them. This is not to say you need to pay attention to every appearance that crosses your path, but simply try it, look at someone you would normally deem as ugly, and look at someone you would normally deem as beautiful, and cease all judgment of that appearance and simply see them as beings, living, breathing, loving, just like you. The moment you can escape your judgments, the moment you'll be able to feel good about your appearance, no matter what the situation. It might take some time to develop an attitude of such, but trust me, it is worth it.
Growing up I despised the mirror, I didn't want to know what I looked like. It frightened me to be photographed. I often hid on picture day. There are actually no photos of me during my freshman and sophomore years in high school. I can't pin point the shift in my life, when the enemy that was my appearance became my best friend, confidant, and shelter from the outside world, but indeed it was for the better.
There still was a glitch though in the system though. It was that I started to notice what others looked like. We have a safety mechanism in our system known as our judgment. It serves a purpose, we can't survive without judgment, the easiest example being we know a hot stove will burn our hand. Sometimes though we use our judgment too much. When we look at other people and deem them ugly or beautiful, it can damage us. Although on some level this judgment is needed so we can determine what appearances make us feel good to be around, the reality of it is when we make a judgment about another person, we're stating indirectly how we feel about ourselves. When you say someone is ugly, you're really saying you feel ugly. Although it's nice to find someone beautiful, it's only nice when you can feel beautiful too when you think it; all too often we're saying they're beautiful in comparison to our perceived ugliness.
It's true, in my early modeling days, I had to look at thousands of images of other men when I sat down with photographers, and I hated it. They would ask me what I thought of other models, and I thought they meant "tell me what is inferior or superior about this person to you." If I saw even the slightest of what appeared to be a flaw with these models, I would point it out, sometimes even make fun of them. At the end of it all I felt gross. If I said someone was fat, that evening I would most likely look at myself in the mirror and think I needed to loose a bit of weight. If I said someone had an ugly face, I started to notice aspects of my appearance that I wasn't comfortable with. It also frightened me to think what others were saying about me when I wasn't there.
If we are ever to feel good about the way we look, truly feel good, we need to let go of any judgments we may have of the way we and others look. We need to accept the appearance of all, and understand they look that way for a reason only pertinent to them. This is not to say you need to pay attention to every appearance that crosses your path, but simply try it, look at someone you would normally deem as ugly, and look at someone you would normally deem as beautiful, and cease all judgment of that appearance and simply see them as beings, living, breathing, loving, just like you. The moment you can escape your judgments, the moment you'll be able to feel good about your appearance, no matter what the situation. It might take some time to develop an attitude of such, but trust me, it is worth it.
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