The Real Me, the Real You

Every few months or so I receive a similar message from a fan of the opinion that I'm not being me.  In general these messages explain that when I wear costumes and make-up, dye my hair, and sing about dark things, that I'm not really being my true self.  Their argument is that I'm too good looking naturally to be playing dress-up, that if I was to tone down who I was I'd be happier and have more fans and be more popular.  In other words if I stopped being Sir JET and was simply Joel, the fitness model, my life would be so much better.  Basically what these people are trying to say is that if I was to stop being different and made an effort to be more like everyone else, I'd be happier.

I understand what they're saying, I understand that people fear things that are different and feel safer when the outlandish can be identified under a category of normalcy, but simultaneously, I know their opinions could not be further from the truth.  For the truth is, I did make an effort to be normal, for many years.  For many years I kept my hair the same color, spent thousands of dollars on head shots, mailing submissions into magazines and agencies, received a gig here and there, but in the end I had nothing. I even at one point spent several hundred dollars on speech lessons in an attempt to sound more masculine when I spoke, because an agent told me my soft-spoken voice and mannerisms didn't match my chiseled face and body.  In all though I wasn't happy, because I wanted to wear fun clothes, because I wanted to see what it would be like to change my hair color, because I couldn't stand trying to maintain the same look day in and day out.

My whole transformation into the real me was the basis for the book I wrote.  My book was about how to overcome depression by finding ways to live your life that make you happy, and for me that was becoming Sir JET.  (Obviously these people who send me these messages never read it). As a gender nonconformist, nothing makes me feel better than putting on a new pair of heels, and just in general trying on clothes that are a challenge, things that as a child I was constantly told I couldn't wear because I was a boy.

In truth I do know what these people are talking about.  I see the Facebook pages of these bodybuilders, porn stars, and fitness models and yes, they do have a good amount of more likes than my page, but at the same time I know in my heart how miserable and bored I was trying to be like them, and I think it's just a matter of time before the right people find me; I do feel Sir JET has a place in mainstream society, it's just taking longer than expected.

Until then I offer this message to you: only you know the version of you that will make you happy.  Only you know if the way you are living your life feels right, and if someone offers their opinion to you saying otherwise, it's because they fear what is different and are hoping to bring you back to some level of normality, not for your sake but rather for theirs.  It doesn't really matter in the greater scheme of things if you are particularly normal or particularly different, what matters is that the way you are feels right.  Always go with the feeling, feelings are the true gateway to your happiness.

10 Ways to Live as your True Self

Happy weekend everyone!  While going through my computer I stumbled upon this top 10 list I created back in 2011 to help promote my book, I'm Enough, and thought I would share it with you now.  Study these points and feel free to comment with any questions or observations you have.

Sir JET’s Top 10 Tips to Living as Your True Self

1. Eat Happily.  Many say eat healthy, but if you are not enjoying food while you eat it, you’re doing just as much damage to your body as eating unhealthy foods by giving it mixed signals, which result in indigestion, etc.  There are enough healthy foods out there that you can choose what tastes good to you.  

2. Observe your Thoughts.  Our minds go a million miles a minute with different thoughts.  If we are not careful, we could spend all day thinking about and analyzing negative things and not be aware of it.  Take a moment every now and then to ask yourself “what am I thinking about?” and if it’s something bad, see how you can find the good in that situation to focus on instead.

3. Feel Good about Your Appearance.  It’s not how you look, but how you feel about how you look that will determine how you will feel in the presence of others.  Do you feel beautiful?  Do you feel confident?  Appearance is subjective, so make your appearance that which you see as beautiful, and feel you look awesome wherever you go.

4. Be accepting of the Appearance of Others.  Just as you get to decide how you look, everyone should get to as well.  Be okay with the way other people look, for it is their decision to look that way.  And remember, we are essentially all one and the same: underneath every costume is a human being just like you.

5. Play Dress-up.  Have you ever wondered what it would be like to try something on?  Then do it.  Now is the time.  Experiment with things that you wouldn’t normally wear and see how they make you feel.  Nothing is off limits when playing dress-up so have fun with it.

6. Practice Your Affirmations.  Say your affirmations to yourself out-loud or silently regularly, as regularly as you wash your face or brush your teeth.  Your life will reflect that which you focus upon.  Focusing on positive things makes you feel positive.

7. Always desire the Best.  You desire to be a great person reaching your full potential, so remind yourself whenever you feel undeserving of something that it simply is not true, for to be the greatest you, you must desire the greatest of all things to come to you.  

8. Give more of that which you Desire.  The universe is built on a give and take basis.  If you desire more of something, try giving some of it.  Want more money?  Give a little of your own to a cause you believe in, such as donating $20 to your favorite charity.  Want someone to love?  Give love to people you come in contact with by being friendly and interested in who they are.

9. Study Inspiration.  Instead of turning on the television or scrolling through updates on your favorite social network, spend your leisure time reading about or watching things that inspire you and makes you feel good.  The more focus you put on the good things in life, the more good things will feel in your experience of your life.

10. That which you desire for yourself, desire for others.  The golden rule of “treat others as you want to be treated” is only half the story.  When you can see someone else receiving that which you are aiming for, it puts you in a place of harmony with how good it feels to receive it, and that feeling good about receiving is what’s going to bring that goal closer to your reality.