I see posts on facebook quite often about how lonely people are and how they wish they had a boyfriend. I also see posts about people saying what a good-hearted or good-looking person they are and yet still they can't get a date. What does this all mean?
Gandhi is often misquoted as saying "be the change you wish to see in the world." The real quote is "become the change you wish to see in the world." This simply means life is an ongoing process, that if we desire changes and new things to come into our lives, we need to make those changes welcome in a carefully crafted way. Life is a journey of becoming, because once you become or have happen the thing you wish for, you move on to wishing for greater things.
Become the change you wish to see. If you want to experience more love in your life, become more loving. All too often there is the misnomer that good-looking people receive love for being good-looking. The truth is, good-looking people get exactly what they want: they get good looks. If you spend your life making a tremendous effort to be good-looking, people will notice you, they will look at you. However, that's all you get, you get looks. You could spend hours in the gym, breeze off to the tanning salon, and spend hundreds of dollars on tight t-shirts and jeans that accentuate your figure. If you then go to the bar or whatnot, people will look at you, it is true, they will find you good-looking. If you go to the gym to cruise good-looking men, and give them alluring stares, it is true they might stare back, but there is no real connection. If you post photos of yourself on your social network pages, people will look at them. You will be good-looking to hundreds, maybe millions of people, but you'll still be lonely. Why is that? It is the Law of Attraction: attracting to yourself the energies you create.
Become the change you wish to see. Think of your goal: is it to be more good-looking to more people so you get more looks, or is it to become someone who attracts people to them for the purpose of human interaction? Think then about what is attractive, what makes you want to spend time with another person? You like a person who finds you interesting. If you walk by a stranger and he tells you he likes your shoes, you feel really good. If he continues to compliment different things about you, you feel a need to respond, you like the energy he is giving out because he is getting interested in you. Therefore, to bring people to be attracted to you, you must give them reason to find you attractive, you must make them feel welcome. The more often you do it, the more natural it will feel. Eventually it will be like second nature. Start with just random people, or friends, just keep being open to feelings of giving and see what conversations form. Interested people are interesting.
Further the previous idea, become the change incrementally. What are the qualities you want in a partner? Make a list. Do you want someone who brings you breakfast in bed, is neat and tidy, smells like rosewood, makes you laugh, does charity work in his spare time? Take these attributes to yourself. Become the change, become the person you are seeking and you can't help but attract them to you. Make people laugh, prepare a meal for someone in your life now with love, find a perfume or cologne that you enjoy the smell of and envision the love of your life finding that scent on you irresistible. If you are of the opposite gender of your perfect match, don't let that stop you. If you want someone who is handsome, he is handsome because he takes care of himself physically, so do that for yourself.
Above all, don't worry about perfection, you are becoming the change, not being the change, you are moving in the right direction. Life is a journey, a gradual step by step process: we learn how to walk by discovering motion, then crawling, then standing up straight, then moving one leg at a time, and we'll still fall down while trying to get it right. Even today we may even stumble while walking. Finding ways to make yourself lovable attracts love to you. Enjoy the process of discovering you so that when that perfect match does find you, he'll get exactly what he wanted, the love of his life.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
The Story behind J.E.T.
I'm going to take a moment to address some concerns from the fans. Recently I've received several comments on my photos asking me to go back to the version of my image that's a little less creative, basic catalog look would be the best description. Last year, 2011, was the first year I really began to experiment with my looks. I've slightly altered my look a little every year, but only the most die-hard fan would notice that. Last year though I began to really experiment with my image: hair color changes and the integration of clothes originally designed for women. Truth be told, granting myself this freedom to play, I've never been so happy and at one with the universe.
Those clothes may have been originally designed for women, but the truth is, clothes have no gender, they are not living things, we give our clothes gender. A blind man would not know whether a tank top was cut to fit a woman's body or a man's, and a young child doesn't know boys don't wear dresses unless a parent tells him so, and that parent would not know unless someone told him, and so on.
If you read my book, I'm Enough or the online article "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl," you recall I grew up in a home where a girl could do anything a boy could do, but a boy couldn't do everything a girl could do. I love ornate things, that which is accented with ribbons and jewels, and shoes with heels make me feel taller. As a child I didn't know I wasn't allowed to have the things my sister had until someone told me boys couldn't have girl things. I was that young child I just spoke of in the previous paragraph. I hung onto that idea for the longest time, and it effected much of my life. I've always had girl things: I'm obsessed with japanese dolls, and jewels, and I have a whole collection of things accented with rhinestones, but I hoarded these things and would only bring them out when I was alone. If I didn't get a record deal, or a song of mine didn't chart, I was told it was because I wasn't a pretty girl and therefore unworthy of being a singer. At some point I finally had to say that all this just wasn't true, that I wasn't inferior to a girl and therefore, I could do anything they could do and do it well. That was the beginning of my transition into not only allowing myself to experiment in the public eye, but also realize I need to help others see what I'm seeing.
We don't think it odd if a woman plays sports, wears loose fitting jeans, or has an interest in engineering. These are all things when my mother was a child that were forbidden. Why do we need to say a man in heels is wrong? Has everyone forgotten the platform shoes of 1970? And who's to say a man still cannot wear a skirt? The only reason we reject these notions is because we're stuck in paradigms of gender identity. Our identity isn't determined by our clothes, we all know this and yet we're still judging. One fan told me I was doing drag in my photos. He was calling it drag because from his perspective a man is trying to be a woman when he wears women's clothes. A man is only doing drag when he's impersonating a woman. I'm not trying to look like a woman, I'm playing dress-up and wearing things that boost my confidence and I have fun wearing. I don't care if something was meant for a woman, if it's fun to wear I'm going to rock the sh*t out of it. Mark my words, there will come a day when a man in heels will be as normal as a woman in pants.
So I say this friend, experiment with your thinking. Is there something you think is cool but you can't imagine yourself in it because you're afraid of what others will say? Is there something you see someone wearing that you feel is gross or inappropriate? Feelings in both those instances come from fear and insecurity. Instead of feeling fear and insecurity, how are you going to practice love today? How would love see the things you are seeing? See the universe as a friendly place and everyone around you becomes just that. I'm working on it, and I think we all should.
Those clothes may have been originally designed for women, but the truth is, clothes have no gender, they are not living things, we give our clothes gender. A blind man would not know whether a tank top was cut to fit a woman's body or a man's, and a young child doesn't know boys don't wear dresses unless a parent tells him so, and that parent would not know unless someone told him, and so on.
If you read my book, I'm Enough or the online article "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl," you recall I grew up in a home where a girl could do anything a boy could do, but a boy couldn't do everything a girl could do. I love ornate things, that which is accented with ribbons and jewels, and shoes with heels make me feel taller. As a child I didn't know I wasn't allowed to have the things my sister had until someone told me boys couldn't have girl things. I was that young child I just spoke of in the previous paragraph. I hung onto that idea for the longest time, and it effected much of my life. I've always had girl things: I'm obsessed with japanese dolls, and jewels, and I have a whole collection of things accented with rhinestones, but I hoarded these things and would only bring them out when I was alone. If I didn't get a record deal, or a song of mine didn't chart, I was told it was because I wasn't a pretty girl and therefore unworthy of being a singer. At some point I finally had to say that all this just wasn't true, that I wasn't inferior to a girl and therefore, I could do anything they could do and do it well. That was the beginning of my transition into not only allowing myself to experiment in the public eye, but also realize I need to help others see what I'm seeing.
We don't think it odd if a woman plays sports, wears loose fitting jeans, or has an interest in engineering. These are all things when my mother was a child that were forbidden. Why do we need to say a man in heels is wrong? Has everyone forgotten the platform shoes of 1970? And who's to say a man still cannot wear a skirt? The only reason we reject these notions is because we're stuck in paradigms of gender identity. Our identity isn't determined by our clothes, we all know this and yet we're still judging. One fan told me I was doing drag in my photos. He was calling it drag because from his perspective a man is trying to be a woman when he wears women's clothes. A man is only doing drag when he's impersonating a woman. I'm not trying to look like a woman, I'm playing dress-up and wearing things that boost my confidence and I have fun wearing. I don't care if something was meant for a woman, if it's fun to wear I'm going to rock the sh*t out of it. Mark my words, there will come a day when a man in heels will be as normal as a woman in pants.
So I say this friend, experiment with your thinking. Is there something you think is cool but you can't imagine yourself in it because you're afraid of what others will say? Is there something you see someone wearing that you feel is gross or inappropriate? Feelings in both those instances come from fear and insecurity. Instead of feeling fear and insecurity, how are you going to practice love today? How would love see the things you are seeing? See the universe as a friendly place and everyone around you becomes just that. I'm working on it, and I think we all should.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Truth about Good Posture
Posture. I've touched on the subject before but I would like to go into depth on why it is important to have good posture. The only reason I bring it up is because I have rather horrible posture *_*, but just recently I've realized how I need to stop it, and I'll explain why. I look down at the ground when I walk most of the time, or I look up at the sky. In turn I often feel lonely, and I've developed the reputation of being shy and unapproachable. In fact, I'll look anywhere possible to avoid other people's faces. A paradigm of mine is a fear of looking strangers in the face and meeting their eyes. The fear stems from childhood when I would look someone in the face and they would say something mean to me. It's silly that I still carry around such a fear, and so from this point forward, as I encourage you to work on your posture, I commit to working on mine as well.
What is the reason for good posture? Shoulders back, eyes focused on the horizon, and a smile across our lips, really impacts us on a sub-conscious level. When you take this stance as you move around your day, it becomes inevitable that your gaze will meet the people you cross. By saying hello to these people, maybe even asking how they are, or complimenting something about them, it will in turn open you up. It's impossible to feel bad when you are being pleasant to another, and for them to acknowledge your kindness is an amazing feeling. Think of how good you feel when you tell someone you like their shoes, etc., and they respond with a thank you, or even may compliment you on something as well.
That is the purpose of good posture: you're building your confidence with complimenting others, and over time this translates into you feeling like a friendlier person. If you are in search of the more friends, or the love of your life, by feeling these feelings more regularly, you are attracting such into your life. Remember like attracts like, friendly people who feel loved attract just that.
What is the reason for good posture? Shoulders back, eyes focused on the horizon, and a smile across our lips, really impacts us on a sub-conscious level. When you take this stance as you move around your day, it becomes inevitable that your gaze will meet the people you cross. By saying hello to these people, maybe even asking how they are, or complimenting something about them, it will in turn open you up. It's impossible to feel bad when you are being pleasant to another, and for them to acknowledge your kindness is an amazing feeling. Think of how good you feel when you tell someone you like their shoes, etc., and they respond with a thank you, or even may compliment you on something as well.
That is the purpose of good posture: you're building your confidence with complimenting others, and over time this translates into you feeling like a friendlier person. If you are in search of the more friends, or the love of your life, by feeling these feelings more regularly, you are attracting such into your life. Remember like attracts like, friendly people who feel loved attract just that.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Self Love in Circumstance
Almost everyone knows what it is like to be loved unconditionally. And if we don't know maybe what it is like, we know what the phrase unconditional love means. It means loving without any reason to love, a love based on pure trust that that other person will love us no matter what and we them. No matter who is in your life, there is always one person we can love unconditionally, and that person is ourselves. Loving yourself unconditionally is more than just saying "I like myself," in the mirror, it's also remembering to never condemn anything you do. If you think you do something that is bad, or irritating to others, or you say things like "I'm just a bitch, deal with it!" that's not loving yourself, that's coming to terms with self-hate, which will just make you feel uncomfortable and lower your self-esteem over time. Be okay with being you at all times. And when you say or do something that you feel was in the wrong, remind yourself it was simply an experience that is now in the past, and when a similar situation arises again, you will take different action. Just the thought of knowing you will handle things in a more positive way in the future is a step up from sitting there and reminding yourself you did something wrong. The idea of rewarding yourself everyday is also very powerful overtime. At the end of each day, ask yourself, "what did I do right today?" Make a list if you can. The more you focus on what things are good in your life and the things you're doing right, the less of an emotional impact anything bad will have on you.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Becoming an Upper
A very interesting thing happened to me last night. I ran into an acquaintance of mine who I met about two years ago and we had a lovely conversation. At the end of the conversation I said something to the degree of "We're friends, we should hang out more." Without turning around he responded with a "No, probably not. I'm told I'm kinda a downer to be around." I didn't think too much at that point and simply answered, "Well I'm an upper. If you hang out with me I'll help you make the shift into upper, so I've been told." And with a mutual laugh we parted ways.
Around 2am that morning I woke up unable to fall back to sleep again, and the thought entered my mind that I had once been on my acquaintance's side of the conversation, only my conversation partner was not so kind as I was. It was in the summer a few years ago. I was dating an older gentleman long distance. For about a year and a half I would every few months hop on a plane to go visit him. I was enamored with this man, he was blond and looked like prince charming from a childhood fairytale. I finally summed up the courage to ask him if he would like to take the relationship further and be my boyfriend, maybe I could even move to his city so we could be closer and get to know one another was my suggestion. At this point he fell silent. After what seemed like a very long amount of time he answered with, "Well Joel, I don't really think I want to date someone like you because you're kinda a downer. You're just such a sad person and I'm a happy person. I spent so much of my life being sad I feel like I only want to be around happy people now." I fell silent and simply stayed silent until he drove me to the airport. How do you respond to someone telling you you bring them down just by being you?
I didn't think I was a sad person until he had said something, up until that point I just thought I was me. Earlier in 2010 when I restarted my spiritual work I realized that most often I did tend to sit on the negative side of things, that I felt great power from pointing out things that were wrong in situations. The saying goes, pay attention to what you are paying attention to, your thoughts control how you feel. If you are thinking negatively about the things around you, they're going to affect you negatively and you'll feel bad. The truth is, circumstances are circumstances, we only notice if they are bad if we are focused on bad feelings. In other words that man may have said he was a happy person, but if he truly was happy he would have only seen the good things about me, he would not have been so insistent on the idea that I was a negative person unless he was mainly focusing on negativity. Conversely, during our conversation last night I did not even notice my acquaintance saying anything particularly negative, I was simply enjoying having a familiar face to hang out with. After he had said that he was a downer all I wanted to do was convince him he wasn't, or at least bring him to my level of perception, that it was fun talking to him.
My experience last night showed me how much I have changed over the years, that inevitably people really can change for the better. If you think you are a negative person, you can change that perception by just noticing your thoughts. Whenever you notice yourself stating a negative judgment, ask yourself, "is there another way to look at this situation, what is the good in this?" And if someone you know thinks s/he is a negative person, remind him/her something you like about him/her, over time the continuous reassurance to yourself as well as others that you and they are wonderful people will help create a wonderful shift. Here's to happiness ^_^!
Around 2am that morning I woke up unable to fall back to sleep again, and the thought entered my mind that I had once been on my acquaintance's side of the conversation, only my conversation partner was not so kind as I was. It was in the summer a few years ago. I was dating an older gentleman long distance. For about a year and a half I would every few months hop on a plane to go visit him. I was enamored with this man, he was blond and looked like prince charming from a childhood fairytale. I finally summed up the courage to ask him if he would like to take the relationship further and be my boyfriend, maybe I could even move to his city so we could be closer and get to know one another was my suggestion. At this point he fell silent. After what seemed like a very long amount of time he answered with, "Well Joel, I don't really think I want to date someone like you because you're kinda a downer. You're just such a sad person and I'm a happy person. I spent so much of my life being sad I feel like I only want to be around happy people now." I fell silent and simply stayed silent until he drove me to the airport. How do you respond to someone telling you you bring them down just by being you?
I didn't think I was a sad person until he had said something, up until that point I just thought I was me. Earlier in 2010 when I restarted my spiritual work I realized that most often I did tend to sit on the negative side of things, that I felt great power from pointing out things that were wrong in situations. The saying goes, pay attention to what you are paying attention to, your thoughts control how you feel. If you are thinking negatively about the things around you, they're going to affect you negatively and you'll feel bad. The truth is, circumstances are circumstances, we only notice if they are bad if we are focused on bad feelings. In other words that man may have said he was a happy person, but if he truly was happy he would have only seen the good things about me, he would not have been so insistent on the idea that I was a negative person unless he was mainly focusing on negativity. Conversely, during our conversation last night I did not even notice my acquaintance saying anything particularly negative, I was simply enjoying having a familiar face to hang out with. After he had said that he was a downer all I wanted to do was convince him he wasn't, or at least bring him to my level of perception, that it was fun talking to him.
My experience last night showed me how much I have changed over the years, that inevitably people really can change for the better. If you think you are a negative person, you can change that perception by just noticing your thoughts. Whenever you notice yourself stating a negative judgment, ask yourself, "is there another way to look at this situation, what is the good in this?" And if someone you know thinks s/he is a negative person, remind him/her something you like about him/her, over time the continuous reassurance to yourself as well as others that you and they are wonderful people will help create a wonderful shift. Here's to happiness ^_^!
Friday, February 3, 2012
Nobody's Ugly
I wanted to talk about appearance. It's on my mind quite a bit. I play with my appearance contstantly, almost everyday, because I find it amusing to alter my appearance. I don't want to look the same everyday. I love mirrors because they show me how something looks on me.
Growing up I despised the mirror, I didn't want to know what I looked like. It frightened me to be photographed. I often hid on picture day. There are actually no photos of me during my freshman and sophomore years in high school. I can't pin point the shift in my life, when the enemy that was my appearance became my best friend, confidant, and shelter from the outside world, but indeed it was for the better.
There still was a glitch though in the system though. It was that I started to notice what others looked like. We have a safety mechanism in our system known as our judgment. It serves a purpose, we can't survive without judgment, the easiest example being we know a hot stove will burn our hand. Sometimes though we use our judgment too much. When we look at other people and deem them ugly or beautiful, it can damage us. Although on some level this judgment is needed so we can determine what appearances make us feel good to be around, the reality of it is when we make a judgment about another person, we're stating indirectly how we feel about ourselves. When you say someone is ugly, you're really saying you feel ugly. Although it's nice to find someone beautiful, it's only nice when you can feel beautiful too when you think it; all too often we're saying they're beautiful in comparison to our perceived ugliness.
It's true, in my early modeling days, I had to look at thousands of images of other men when I sat down with photographers, and I hated it. They would ask me what I thought of other models, and I thought they meant "tell me what is inferior or superior about this person to you." If I saw even the slightest of what appeared to be a flaw with these models, I would point it out, sometimes even make fun of them. At the end of it all I felt gross. If I said someone was fat, that evening I would most likely look at myself in the mirror and think I needed to loose a bit of weight. If I said someone had an ugly face, I started to notice aspects of my appearance that I wasn't comfortable with. It also frightened me to think what others were saying about me when I wasn't there.
If we are ever to feel good about the way we look, truly feel good, we need to let go of any judgments we may have of the way we and others look. We need to accept the appearance of all, and understand they look that way for a reason only pertinent to them. This is not to say you need to pay attention to every appearance that crosses your path, but simply try it, look at someone you would normally deem as ugly, and look at someone you would normally deem as beautiful, and cease all judgment of that appearance and simply see them as beings, living, breathing, loving, just like you. The moment you can escape your judgments, the moment you'll be able to feel good about your appearance, no matter what the situation. It might take some time to develop an attitude of such, but trust me, it is worth it.
Growing up I despised the mirror, I didn't want to know what I looked like. It frightened me to be photographed. I often hid on picture day. There are actually no photos of me during my freshman and sophomore years in high school. I can't pin point the shift in my life, when the enemy that was my appearance became my best friend, confidant, and shelter from the outside world, but indeed it was for the better.
There still was a glitch though in the system though. It was that I started to notice what others looked like. We have a safety mechanism in our system known as our judgment. It serves a purpose, we can't survive without judgment, the easiest example being we know a hot stove will burn our hand. Sometimes though we use our judgment too much. When we look at other people and deem them ugly or beautiful, it can damage us. Although on some level this judgment is needed so we can determine what appearances make us feel good to be around, the reality of it is when we make a judgment about another person, we're stating indirectly how we feel about ourselves. When you say someone is ugly, you're really saying you feel ugly. Although it's nice to find someone beautiful, it's only nice when you can feel beautiful too when you think it; all too often we're saying they're beautiful in comparison to our perceived ugliness.
It's true, in my early modeling days, I had to look at thousands of images of other men when I sat down with photographers, and I hated it. They would ask me what I thought of other models, and I thought they meant "tell me what is inferior or superior about this person to you." If I saw even the slightest of what appeared to be a flaw with these models, I would point it out, sometimes even make fun of them. At the end of it all I felt gross. If I said someone was fat, that evening I would most likely look at myself in the mirror and think I needed to loose a bit of weight. If I said someone had an ugly face, I started to notice aspects of my appearance that I wasn't comfortable with. It also frightened me to think what others were saying about me when I wasn't there.
If we are ever to feel good about the way we look, truly feel good, we need to let go of any judgments we may have of the way we and others look. We need to accept the appearance of all, and understand they look that way for a reason only pertinent to them. This is not to say you need to pay attention to every appearance that crosses your path, but simply try it, look at someone you would normally deem as ugly, and look at someone you would normally deem as beautiful, and cease all judgment of that appearance and simply see them as beings, living, breathing, loving, just like you. The moment you can escape your judgments, the moment you'll be able to feel good about your appearance, no matter what the situation. It might take some time to develop an attitude of such, but trust me, it is worth it.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
The 2nd Part of the Golden Rule
Many of us had heard the classic phrase: "Treat others as you would like to be treated," and for most part we make an effort to practice such. We give our attention to others with the personality we would want to be presented to us. A smile for a smile, a compliment for a compliment.
This is only half the process of becoming one's true self, the other half of the golden rule I read for the first time at the end of chapter 14 of Wallace Wattles' The Science of Getting Rich: "What I want for myself, I want for everybody."
Now one may wonder, "Why would I want for others what I want for myself? Surely there are things I want that would not be wanted by other people, like if I want a pink sweater surely the old man on the street corner doesn't want a pink cardigan?" The truth is, this statement doesn't apply necessarily to specific things, but rather to the idea of "that which I desire" being more so a "to be" concept.
An example, "I want to be wealthy, living in a warm home, and able to afford any luxury I desire." Apply the golden rule to this. How does it feel to say "I want everyone to be wealthy, living in warm homes, and able to afford any luxury they desire?" It can't possibly feel anything but good. Imagine everyone in the world being of a wealth where they can live comfortably. Indeed, it would be the start of world peace if the competition to survive was wiped away.
It's similar to giving a friend a gift that you yourself wanted and seeing their face light up as they open the package. You feel like you have done some good giving someone you love something that you desired. Not allowed dolls of my own, I one time bought my sister a barbie outfit that I saw in the store that I wanted, and although there was a little jealousy in watching her receive it, the majority of my feeling was of happiness knowing she enjoyed getting it.
Sometimes the things we want feel so out of reach we take an iron grip on them and go crazy wishing and wanting for them, and feel devastated day after day in their absence. When this happens, practice the golden rule. Picture yourself receiving what you want. Then, picture someone you love receiving what you want. Then extend it, imagine everyone receiving what you want, even the ones you despise (everyone means everyone, do not judge anyone as less than worthy of receiving something you want, for we are all one and the same, and by denying them the riches you are saying you don't deserve it either). Practice this with everything, even the things you have that you hold dear. If you have a favorite outfit, imagine everyone getting the opportunity to wear their favorite outfit too. By doing this practice you develop a sense of compassion and generosity in you, and that sense will increase your own sense of generosity, and as we know, generous people receive that which they strive for.
This is only half the process of becoming one's true self, the other half of the golden rule I read for the first time at the end of chapter 14 of Wallace Wattles' The Science of Getting Rich: "What I want for myself, I want for everybody."
Now one may wonder, "Why would I want for others what I want for myself? Surely there are things I want that would not be wanted by other people, like if I want a pink sweater surely the old man on the street corner doesn't want a pink cardigan?" The truth is, this statement doesn't apply necessarily to specific things, but rather to the idea of "that which I desire" being more so a "to be" concept.
An example, "I want to be wealthy, living in a warm home, and able to afford any luxury I desire." Apply the golden rule to this. How does it feel to say "I want everyone to be wealthy, living in warm homes, and able to afford any luxury they desire?" It can't possibly feel anything but good. Imagine everyone in the world being of a wealth where they can live comfortably. Indeed, it would be the start of world peace if the competition to survive was wiped away.
It's similar to giving a friend a gift that you yourself wanted and seeing their face light up as they open the package. You feel like you have done some good giving someone you love something that you desired. Not allowed dolls of my own, I one time bought my sister a barbie outfit that I saw in the store that I wanted, and although there was a little jealousy in watching her receive it, the majority of my feeling was of happiness knowing she enjoyed getting it.
Sometimes the things we want feel so out of reach we take an iron grip on them and go crazy wishing and wanting for them, and feel devastated day after day in their absence. When this happens, practice the golden rule. Picture yourself receiving what you want. Then, picture someone you love receiving what you want. Then extend it, imagine everyone receiving what you want, even the ones you despise (everyone means everyone, do not judge anyone as less than worthy of receiving something you want, for we are all one and the same, and by denying them the riches you are saying you don't deserve it either). Practice this with everything, even the things you have that you hold dear. If you have a favorite outfit, imagine everyone getting the opportunity to wear their favorite outfit too. By doing this practice you develop a sense of compassion and generosity in you, and that sense will increase your own sense of generosity, and as we know, generous people receive that which they strive for.
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