Saturday, May 19, 2012

How to Become Boyfriend Material

I see posts on facebook quite often about how lonely people are and how they wish they had a boyfriend.  I also see posts about people saying what a good-hearted or good-looking person they are and yet still they can't get a date.  What does this all mean?

Gandhi is often misquoted as saying "be the change you wish to see in the world."  The real quote is "become the change you wish to see in the world."  This simply means life is an ongoing process, that if we desire changes and new things to come into our lives, we need to make those changes welcome in a carefully crafted way.  Life is a journey of becoming, because once you become or have happen the thing you wish for, you move on to wishing for greater things.

Become the change you wish to see.  If you want to experience more love in your life, become more loving.  All too often there is the misnomer that good-looking people receive love for being good-looking.  The truth is, good-looking people get exactly what they want: they get good looks.  If you spend your life making a tremendous effort to be good-looking, people will notice you, they will look at you.  However, that's all you get, you get looks.  You could spend hours in the gym, breeze off to the tanning salon, and spend hundreds of dollars on tight t-shirts and jeans that accentuate your figure.  If you then go to the bar or whatnot, people will look at you, it is true, they will find you good-looking.  If you go to the gym to cruise good-looking men, and give them alluring stares, it is true they might stare back, but there is no real connection.  If you post photos of yourself on your social network pages, people will look at them.  You will be good-looking to hundreds, maybe millions of people, but you'll still be lonely.  Why is that?  It is the Law of Attraction: attracting to yourself the energies you create.

Become the change you wish to see.  Think of your goal: is it to be more good-looking to more people so you get more looks, or is it to become someone who attracts people to them for the purpose of human interaction?  Think then about what is attractive, what makes you want to spend time with another person?  You like a person who finds you interesting.  If you walk by a stranger and he tells you he likes your shoes, you feel really good.  If he continues to compliment different things about you, you feel a need to respond, you like the energy he is giving out because he is getting interested in you.  Therefore, to bring people to be attracted to you, you must give them reason to find you attractive, you must make them feel welcome.  The more often you do it, the more natural it will feel.  Eventually it will be like second nature.  Start with just random people, or friends, just keep being open to feelings of giving and see what conversations form.  Interested people are interesting.

Further the previous idea, become the change incrementally.  What are the qualities you want in a partner?  Make a list.  Do you want someone who brings you breakfast in bed, is neat and tidy, smells like rosewood, makes you laugh, does charity work in his spare time?  Take these attributes to yourself.  Become the change, become the person you are seeking and you can't help but attract them to you.  Make people laugh, prepare a meal for someone in your life now with love, find a perfume or cologne that you enjoy the smell of and envision the love of your life finding that scent on you irresistible.  If you are of the opposite gender of your perfect match, don't let that stop you.  If you want someone who is handsome, he is handsome because he takes care of himself physically, so do that for yourself. 

Above all, don't worry about perfection, you are becoming the change, not being the change, you are moving in the right direction.  Life is a journey, a gradual step by step process: we learn how to walk by discovering motion, then crawling, then standing up straight, then moving one leg at a time, and we'll still fall down while trying to get it right.  Even today we may even stumble while walking.  Finding ways to make yourself lovable attracts love to you.  Enjoy the process of discovering you so that when that perfect match does find you, he'll get exactly what he wanted, the love of his life.


  1. all i can say is amen and bravo!

  2. Do NOT let anyone train or shame or intimidate the uniqueness out of you. The fact of your existence is proof enough that Divine Love has drawn you forth and you need answer to no one. You do not need to justify your presence to another for you are as valid as they. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Know yourself. If you feel "different" or are perceived as such by those around you, rejoice! Evolution doesn't come from sameness. There is no man or government or religion that can take away your Divine Spark. Celebrate yourself! YOU are a gift to the world and YOU ARE LOVED beyond your understanding!