Tuesday, July 17, 2012


I often warn myself since the rampage of negative comments on the "Storm" video to not read the comments coming in on my videos.  The reason being if someone says something harsh it'll haunt me the rest of the day.  I can't help but take it personally, but then again I also have to remind myself that that person speaks ill because s/he is in pain and doesn't know how to deal with it other than cyber-bullying a stranger.  And if we are all one and the same, then his/her pain is just as much my pain, and then I understand, if I was in pain I would want someone to know, I would want someone to notice me and make me feel better.  In that sense I can easily talk myself out of it.
Just now that temptation to look at video comments took over me.  There was a debate going on about my sexuality in the "Feelin Dirty" comments, to which the chatters' debate ended with the claim that I was indeed homosexual due to the tonality of my speaking voice.  Obviously these individuals never read "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl," for then they would know it took me nearly a decade to come to terms and be okay with the sound of my voice, and as such find it a little difficult to deal with vocal criticisms.  The tone of one's voice has as much to do with one's sexual orientation as the size of their nose, ie, absolutely nothing. 
But this discussion got me thinking, my sexuality is questioned a lot because people on the internet are lonely, they want reassurance the person they're communicating with, watching in videos, fascinated by the pictures of, is indeed on their team.  The truth is, someone on the internet isn't exactly a member of your life.  Although they may be indeed a real person, they are your fantasy, and as such, it really doesn't matter if they are homosexual or heterosexual in real life because you will never actually be sexually involved with this person.  All that matters is how you feel about them as a fantasy.  If you can fantasize about being with that person, that's healthy, and in the long-run will encourage you to find the love of your life when you are ready to find that person, as you in your fantasies have deemed yourself worthy of love.  The opposite is also true, if you're so concerned with whether this fantasy person would be attracted to you and thus feel ashamed to fantasize about them and instead obsess over who they really are, you're hurting yourself.  You're telling the universe that you're unworthy of your fantasies, your own imagination, and that's crazy.
Love your fantasies, nurture them because they are your heart's desires.  If you condemn your fantasies and insist that reality is better, you're creating a negative reality around you.  The reality is, a reality created out of your fantasies will give birth to the life you were meant to live.  If you ever hire a life coach, the first question s/he will ask you is "what would you love?" and you'll create a picture of your ideal life in minute detail to him/her.  Don't ever be ashamed of wanting love, for the closer you can emotionally match the actual feeling of loving and being loved, the closer you will come to reaching that goal.

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