Harnessing Forgiveness

Almost all of us have held a grudge against someone at some point in our lives.  I wanted to talk about grudges because I've been hearing several stories from friends about people they are angry with.  Being mad at someone doesn't always mean they are going to be able to receive that anger you are sending, especially if you are not even confronting that person and are miles away.  On top of that, deep down none of us really want to send anger to another, we're simply caught up in our own desires in the moment and any feelings of betrayal can be traced back to childhood issues.  The classic saying is, holding a grudge is like taking poison in hopes that the other person will die.  Holding onto anger puts you in a bad place.  It lowers your ability to feel good and focus on the things that really matter: the well-being of you and others around you.  Grudges are toxic to our minds and bodies. 
So the question is, how do we forgive people?  How do we get over these emotions of hate and disgust that seem to engulf us?  The answer lies in our thought pattern.  What we think about is what we get.  The more we think about how angry someone makes us, the more we analyze the situation and stay in those emotions, the more we are going to stay in that place of discontent.  We need to learn to forgive.  Sometimes forgiveness takes a little time and we have to be prepared for certain things to not happen overnight if we want to function as human beings. 
Here is what I have learned on forgiveness over the years.  First, put the issue aside and take note of the things you are grateful for and write them down.  Second, make a list of what you want, focus on your dream, and write those down in the present tense.  Imagine yourself living in that ideal world that you have written down, and spend some time in this dream, devote at least ten minutes everyday to dream building, and in addition to that, whenever the thoughts about the people or circumstances you are angry with arise, pull yourself away from them with the focus of your dream.  Continue to live this way, focusing on that which you are grateful for and that which is yet to come and little by little those things you were angry with will somehow not matter anymore when they come to mind.  It's kind of like when you have a bad break up with someone, and then you meet someone else and fall in love with him/her.  Once your feelings have shifted over time, your focus shifting to that of love for another rather than the hurt someone caused you, you suddenly are in a place of forgiveness of that previous person, because now the hurt doesn't hurt so bad.  That break up no longer has power over you.  You don't deny it happened, but you are able to look past it with true understanding.

The love of your life, the fear of your life

What is love?  It is a feeling, it is an emotion, it is something you search for and yet were born with the capacity all along.  Many spiritual advisers say there are really only two emotions: love and fear, and even then fear is just a form of love we just haven't explored carefully.  What we love is often connected to that which we fear.  On a simple level for example, some people love to eat sweets but are afraid of getting fat so they become health nuts that binge in secracy.  Some people love spending time with their families but fear when they have to interact with other people outside of that comfort zone despite the fact that all people are similar.  It is in our best interests that we figure out truly what we love, and what we fear.  When we know that which we fear, we can begin to take hold of it, discover it, and find the parts of it that are lovable and we can embrace.  When we know what we love, we can begin to see it in a light that we didn't notice before, releasing it from all judgments and seeing for truly what it is, pure love.

In an effort to encourage you, my friends, to find what it is that you love and fear in order to grow as your abundant selves, I will share with you my own personal love and fear battle.  I love being sexual and an exhibitionist, I love daydreams and my fantasies, I love showing how beautiful I can be and I love to entice everyone I meet with a gentle sense of flirtation.  Conversely, I have a fear of intimacy.  I have a fear of being touched when I'm alone with another person and actually feeling something emotional from that touch.  I have a fear of becoming too close to another person because everyone I've gotten close to has decided I wasn't good enough and walked away.  In this way I have filled my adult life with surface relationships and one night stands.  The only person I ever looked to for true comfort was myself.  I spent over ten years of my life being my only companion, and so when someone wants to get close to me, I tend to find reasons to pull away.  So, in short, I love attention but I fear intimacy.  If we were to explore these two sides, we would see that they are one and the same.  The truth is, there is nothing more I want in the world than to have true deep relationships with people, I want to see beyond people's surfaces and they see beyond mine.  You could say I desire that which is my greatest fear, and I despise that which I love.  At times I love that which I fear and hate that which I love; but the reality is, they are connected, both are truly different forms of the same desire, and each are an essential part of the other.  If there was no surface we could not first identify the object, and if there was no inner part to support, the surface would shatter upon contact.  The truth is, I really do love that which I love but I also love that which I fear, because I understand that each are just forms of love.  When I attract deep relationships into my life through the power of my own confidence in my self both inside and out, I conquer my fear and deepen my love.

I encourage you all this weekend to take a moment and sit with your love and fear.  Write them out: "I fear..." and "I love...."  When you look at the two close enough you may see a connection, and knowing as they say is half the battle.

Loose weight and detoxify with fruit

I went into this as my first post on the facebook group of the same name as this blog, but I thought I'd repeat it with a bit more detail because it's one of my favorite health tips.  Fruit is a peculiar food in that it will only digest properly in your system when it's eaten as its own food.  With the exception of bananas and some dried fruits like dried cranberries and dates, when we eat fruit with other foods, the sugars tend to rot in the stomach and our bodies don't absorb all the nutrients the fruit has to offer.  Many of us experience gas, upset stomach, or just a feeling of grogginess when this occurs.  The best way to eat fruit is on an empty stomach.  Even more beneficial is to eat fruit on an empty stomach 30-60 minutes before a meal.  The fruit will go in and detoxify your system making it easier to digest the upcoming meal.  In addition to that, your body will receive an extra serving of fruit by eating it before that meal, and we all know the 8 servings of fruits and vegetables a day rule.  I also just read an article recommended to me by a friend that said bananas or cherries can help with sleep if eaten just before bed.  Not all digestive systems are equal, so some people can eat fruit in their salads with no problem, just make sure though to get the optimum nutrition from that salad that there are no nuts or cheese on it, just fruit, vegetables, and a vinegar based dressing that doesn't contain diary.  When you love your fruit it will love you back, so enjoy fruits the right way.

The colors we use to describe ourselves

We all know that to say we're feeling blue means we are feeling less than able, and that when we are feeling red we're in a state of anger.  Today I encourage you to feel all sorts of colors.  Ask yourself, "what does it mean to feel orange?" or "what kind of mood am I in if all I see is pink?"  There may not be any clear answers to these questions that serves every individual, but I encourage you to find the answers that pertain specifically to you.  For example, I love to feel regal when it comes to my boudoir, so my color scheme is gold, but at the same time when I meditate, I not only sit in a brown chair, but I wear usually a brown outfit because it makes me feel closer to the earth.  A good exercise is to get quiet, take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself, "what color am I feeling?"  When the answer comes, sit for a moment and try to figure out why your mind is telling you to feel that color.  The answer may be just what you are looking for.

Being Social can help you loose weight

We all know what foods we shouldn't eat, rather, what foods are going to make us gain weight, make us feel gasy or bloated, or mess with our psyches and make us feel gloomy.  And if you are an obsessive eater you know how bad you can be.  For me it's chips.  I love chips, any kind of chip will do!  And I used to eat chips constantly, potato chips, corn chips, soy chips, nachos, rice chips....  The problem is everytime I eat chips I feel gross, because I practically shovel them into my mouth and don't look back.  The amount of calories is the problem, chips are so high in calories that my stomach can't digest them fast enough, which leads to moodiness, feeling bloated and excess fat around my belly.  The thing is, chips aren't bad for me, rather, lots of chips are bad for me and I know it!  So now, if I crave chips, I know not to eat them all by myself, I go to a party and have a few with company, or I invite friends over and serve them in a bowl so that other people will eat them with me.  That way, I'm not eating the whole bag, and eating junk foods in moderation is 100% okay in my book!  Everything you eat you should love, don't make certain foods toxic; if you don't love something don't put it in your body.  So next time you feel like pigging out, try eating those guilty pleasures with other people.  The extra company might incline you to not only not eat so much, but share in the joy of fun foods with your favorite people ^_^

Mary Morrissey

I have been in Mary Morrissey's Dream Builder program for several months now and it has really helped me focus my attention on what is important to me.  Next month Mary will be holding a free teleclass on the basics of her spiritual and mental strategies.  I encourage you all to check it out:

On March 23rd at 6:00pm PT, 9:00pm ET, my friend Mary Morrissey, a world-renowned author, speaker and consultant who has helped hundreds of people to build and harvest their dreams, is offering a free teleclass, in which she’ll give you a 5-point test for determining whether your dream is right for you.

"3 Simple Secrets to Discovering and Living Your Dreams … No Matter How Out of Reach They Seem Right Now"  -- here's the link to reserve your space:
3 Simple Secrets Teleclass
http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=4171422

If you feel frustrated and restless because you know you could be doing so much more – living such a bigger life – then you’ve got to get in on this ground-breaking call.  Mary will reveal her personal strategies for stopping your self-doubt and fear so you can move toward faith, self-love and confidence that will carry you toward your dream and your bigger life.

Yokoso Minna-san (welcome!)

Hello Friends,

This blog has been created for my fans.  Everyday I receive an email asking my advice on and what I do in my fitness, health, beauty, and well-being regiments to be my best.  I will now share it with all of you, including from time to time new announcements in what I've been up to in my career.  There'll be much more to come soon, so stay tuned ^_^.  If you ever have a specific question for me to answer, please do let me know: joelevanforever@gmail.com
Cheers
Joel