Friday, February 25, 2011

The love of your life, the fear of your life

What is love?  It is a feeling, it is an emotion, it is something you search for and yet were born with the capacity all along.  Many spiritual advisers say there are really only two emotions: love and fear, and even then fear is just a form of love we just haven't explored carefully.  What we love is often connected to that which we fear.  On a simple level for example, some people love to eat sweets but are afraid of getting fat so they become health nuts that binge in secracy.  Some people love spending time with their families but fear when they have to interact with other people outside of that comfort zone despite the fact that all people are similar.  It is in our best interests that we figure out truly what we love, and what we fear.  When we know that which we fear, we can begin to take hold of it, discover it, and find the parts of it that are lovable and we can embrace.  When we know what we love, we can begin to see it in a light that we didn't notice before, releasing it from all judgments and seeing for truly what it is, pure love.

In an effort to encourage you, my friends, to find what it is that you love and fear in order to grow as your abundant selves, I will share with you my own personal love and fear battle.  I love being sexual and an exhibitionist, I love daydreams and my fantasies, I love showing how beautiful I can be and I love to entice everyone I meet with a gentle sense of flirtation.  Conversely, I have a fear of intimacy.  I have a fear of being touched when I'm alone with another person and actually feeling something emotional from that touch.  I have a fear of becoming too close to another person because everyone I've gotten close to has decided I wasn't good enough and walked away.  In this way I have filled my adult life with surface relationships and one night stands.  The only person I ever looked to for true comfort was myself.  I spent over ten years of my life being my only companion, and so when someone wants to get close to me, I tend to find reasons to pull away.  So, in short, I love attention but I fear intimacy.  If we were to explore these two sides, we would see that they are one and the same.  The truth is, there is nothing more I want in the world than to have true deep relationships with people, I want to see beyond people's surfaces and they see beyond mine.  You could say I desire that which is my greatest fear, and I despise that which I love.  At times I love that which I fear and hate that which I love; but the reality is, they are connected, both are truly different forms of the same desire, and each are an essential part of the other.  If there was no surface we could not first identify the object, and if there was no inner part to support, the surface would shatter upon contact.  The truth is, I really do love that which I love but I also love that which I fear, because I understand that each are just forms of love.  When I attract deep relationships into my life through the power of my own confidence in my self both inside and out, I conquer my fear and deepen my love.

I encourage you all this weekend to take a moment and sit with your love and fear.  Write them out: "I fear..." and "I love...."  When you look at the two close enough you may see a connection, and knowing as they say is half the battle.

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