Attracting the Guy You Want Ecourse

Do you have a BROKEN PICKER?

The topic is your love life, and let me get right to the point because I know this issue is vitally important to you.

Have you become resigned to a flat, empty life without True Love? Do you feel stuck with your history of bad relationships and worry that you'll never be able to change your results?

Does it seem that you must've been born with a "Broken Picker" when it comes to choosing a man you can trust, love and respect?

No matter how long you've had a pattern of hooking up with Mr Wrong instead of Mr Right, you can start creating a better outcome, starting tonight!

Get instant access today to the powerful new step-by-step e-course by my good friend, life mastery consultant Evelyn Brooks called "Attract the Guy You WANT!" This 90-day intensive downloadable program has 10 hours of audio coaching lessons, a 50-page workbook and valuable bonuses. The course will show you how to:

•    get untangled from the unhealthy relationship you may be in today
•    replace your old broken picker with a healthy new "good-man picker"
•    change your self-image from people-pleaser (or doormat) into a happy, strong magnet for Good Lovin'
•    design and define the relationship you want to attract into your life

Stop making excuses for the guy who leaves you cold. And stop repeating your old history of settling for far less than the joyous juicy romance and lasting love that you dream of experiencing.

Everything that you want can be yours, but you have to take an action and step in the direction of your dream.  Why not start a new year off right with the chance to attract the love of your life?

Go now to http://www.evelynbrooks.com/cmd.php?af=1504468

to your happiness ^_^

Abundant Universe

When I returned to Arizona for the holiday weekend I met with family and old friends.  Some of them were in down spirits, they were frustrated financially and needed to vent it out.  I've never claimed to be the knower of all things, but I do know our interpretation of our circumstances determines how we feel.  The greatest example I've heard of this was from Mary Morrissey.  She was telling the story of two couples who each had houses that were destroyed by a wild fire that went through the same neighborhood.  The first couple were sobbing, saying they had lost everything and didn't know what to do.  The second couple although a little sad, simply stated that they could rebuild, that it was simply stuff they had lost, and that they were happy no member of the family had been injured or died.

When I was resting in my room at my parents' home, I just opened one of my books I had with me at random, How to Attract Money by Dr Joseph Murphy, and the page I came upon was quite remarkable, for there was a paragraph that really spoke to the situation.  I share it with you here:

Knowledge of the spiritual power is the means to the Royal Road to Riches of all kinds, whether your desire is spiritual, mental, or material.  The student of the laws of mind, or the student of the spiritual principle, believes and knows absolutely that regardless of the economic situation, stock market fluctuation, depression, strikes, war, or other conditions and circumstances, he will always be amply supplied regardless of what form money may take.  The reason for this is he abides in the consciousness of wealth.  The student has convinced himself in his mind that wealth is forever flowing freely in his life and there is always a Divine surplus.  Should there be a war tomorrow and all the student's present holdings become valueless, as the German marks did after the First World War, he would still attract wealth and be cared for, regardless of the form the new currency took.

In other words, don't let conditions or circumstances be your guide.  We all started in a state of abundance.  A baby knows it will be cared for.  It doesn't know if there isn't enough, it knows if it cries, ie make the call with faith, someone will come help it.  Likewise, hold on to your innocence and cast off negative judgments.  The person who believes in an abundant universe, making that call for help with complete faith, will always be provided for.  Things work out, trust me, you just have to believe it will all be good.

Shout-out to the Lonely Lyrics

By popular demand, here are the lyrics to my new song, "Shout-out to the Lonely."

Verse1
This club is so mindless (mindless)
But the melody brings me back here
They're lined up and waiting (waiting)
Dirty bug's crawling up my thigh

Pre Chorus
So heavy, thoughts are plenty
Sweet candy gracing my lips
My wasted but I'll never stop igniting from the circumstance

Chorus
Love is a drug, it's never enough
Shout-out to the Lonely
And my soul-mate is so far away
Shout-out to the Lonely
Heal me, reveal me, as someone, who's always wanting
But they'll shut me down, and then turn around
Shout-out to the Lonely

Verse 2
Your eyes are enticing (-ticing)
Inviting me through your doorway
Shut down and rejected (-jected)
In my pants like a 1, 2, 3, 4!

c.2012 Joel Evan Publishing

buy it here: itunes download ^_^

Sir JET: Shout Out to the Lonely (Official Music Video)

Madonna's Back-up Dancer and Me: My Journey in Working with Carlton Wilborn

As many of you know I recently hired Madonna's former back-up dancer, Carlton Wilborn, to direct my most recent music video for the song "Shout-out to the Lonely."  You can see him in just about any Madonna performance in the late 80s to the early 90s, the video for "Vogue" and Truth or Dare.  He's done a lot more things since dancing with Madonna though.  He's also a very successful actor, author, and life coach.  I didn't really know what to expect prior to meeting him, I didn't even know which dancer he was when I watched the videos I mentioned, all I knew was he came highly recommended by Walter, my manager.
Carlton reminded me of a cat.  You know how some people have personalities like cats, dogs, or birds? Carlton was definitely a cat.  He was easy to communicate with, but the moment I asked for clarification on something he would begin to get irked, and if I disagreed with a suggestion, he wouldn't let the thing go until I would reluctantly recognize his opinion.  Used to getting things my way, this was quite a challenge for me, we butted heads on a few issues.  He also hated repeating himself, I would almost feel guilty asking him to repeat things.  I often felt like a little kid around him.  However new and alien working with Carlton was though, there was a real strength in it for me.  I got a chance to work with someone who had an opinion about things, someone who knew what he wanted when he spoke and didn't hold back, and this in turn encouraged me to be more to the point in what I would say, and I think overall really boosted my confidence in my own self-worth.  When the shoot day came around I was a lot more used to Carlton's way of directing, so things went a lot smoother than expected.
Often we as people want things to be easy, we want a system of peace around us.  We avoid confrontational people because we fear the challenge will upset our balanced world.  The thing is though, we need to be challenged, we need constant challenges if we're ever going to grow and evolve as people.  Nature mimics life: think of how a body builder must constantly be pushing his or her body to the limit in order to make greater muscle gains.  The same is true of our minds: in order to get to the next stage of our lives, we need to welcome people into our lives who will challenge our beliefs and cause us to think.  The lesson I learned: always know there is a better you on the other side, but you'll never reach that you until you make an attempt to climb that mountain.

YOUR FANTASY IS POWER

I often warn myself since the rampage of negative comments on the "Storm" video to not read the comments coming in on my videos.  The reason being if someone says something harsh it'll haunt me the rest of the day.  I can't help but take it personally, but then again I also have to remind myself that that person speaks ill because s/he is in pain and doesn't know how to deal with it other than cyber-bullying a stranger.  And if we are all one and the same, then his/her pain is just as much my pain, and then I understand, if I was in pain I would want someone to know, I would want someone to notice me and make me feel better.  In that sense I can easily talk myself out of it.
Just now that temptation to look at video comments took over me.  There was a debate going on about my sexuality in the "Feelin Dirty" comments, to which the chatters' debate ended with the claim that I was indeed homosexual due to the tonality of my speaking voice.  Obviously these individuals never read "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl," for then they would know it took me nearly a decade to come to terms and be okay with the sound of my voice, and as such find it a little difficult to deal with vocal criticisms.  The tone of one's voice has as much to do with one's sexual orientation as the size of their nose, ie, absolutely nothing. 
But this discussion got me thinking, my sexuality is questioned a lot because people on the internet are lonely, they want reassurance the person they're communicating with, watching in videos, fascinated by the pictures of, is indeed on their team.  The truth is, someone on the internet isn't exactly a member of your life.  Although they may be indeed a real person, they are your fantasy, and as such, it really doesn't matter if they are homosexual or heterosexual in real life because you will never actually be sexually involved with this person.  All that matters is how you feel about them as a fantasy.  If you can fantasize about being with that person, that's healthy, and in the long-run will encourage you to find the love of your life when you are ready to find that person, as you in your fantasies have deemed yourself worthy of love.  The opposite is also true, if you're so concerned with whether this fantasy person would be attracted to you and thus feel ashamed to fantasize about them and instead obsess over who they really are, you're hurting yourself.  You're telling the universe that you're unworthy of your fantasies, your own imagination, and that's crazy.
Love your fantasies, nurture them because they are your heart's desires.  If you condemn your fantasies and insist that reality is better, you're creating a negative reality around you.  The reality is, a reality created out of your fantasies will give birth to the life you were meant to live.  If you ever hire a life coach, the first question s/he will ask you is "what would you love?" and you'll create a picture of your ideal life in minute detail to him/her.  Don't ever be ashamed of wanting love, for the closer you can emotionally match the actual feeling of loving and being loved, the closer you will come to reaching that goal.

Say more by Saying Less

I've recently been introduced to a new kind of greeting card that I have become rather fond of.  They're from a company called "Talkless" (www.talklessgreetings.com).  These cards are the brain child of graphic artist Juan Markos and Francine Beppu from The Real L Word.  A sustainable green greeting card, their name says it all, cards with the initiative that you say so much more of what you mean by saying it simply.  Their signature greeting card is one of a woman with lips that say "talk less" on the outside of the card and then "do more" on the inside.  Another card says "happy birthday, get ready," on the outside, followed by "we're having birthday sex" on the inside.  Fabulously clever and to the point.

These cards have gotten me to think, "talk less and do more, what does that mean?" It reminds me of a story in Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich where a clergyman who had a definite desire to create a school in which students learned by doing rather than studying.  He had a definite vision for this desire, but knew it would cost $1 million to create.  For months he thought and thought until an idea came for him to give a sermon on the subject.  The instant the preacher made that decision all sorts of ideas came to him about what he would say, and the sermon practically wrote itself.  When he got up to the podium to give the speech the following day, he realized in his haste to get to the church the sermon had been left at home.  With a deep breath he closed his eyes and like that he was able to deliver all the important points of his sermon with ease.  At the end of the speech a man from the back of the room came up to the podium and expressed he was so moved by the speech he decided he would give the clergyman his million dollars the very next morning. 

In essence like the greeting cards I'm urging you to think about what you want, decide what you could do for that goal, and start on it right away.  The more ideas you follow, the less explaining you'll have to do when things don't work out, because you'll know you are creating your own destiny, and that all parts are part of the master plan.  Success comes from having an idea and following on those instincts to put that idea into action.  Deciding what to do, and doing it: "Talking less and doing more."

How to Become Boyfriend Material

I see posts on facebook quite often about how lonely people are and how they wish they had a boyfriend.  I also see posts about people saying what a good-hearted or good-looking person they are and yet still they can't get a date.  What does this all mean?

Gandhi is often misquoted as saying "be the change you wish to see in the world."  The real quote is "become the change you wish to see in the world."  This simply means life is an ongoing process, that if we desire changes and new things to come into our lives, we need to make those changes welcome in a carefully crafted way.  Life is a journey of becoming, because once you become or have happen the thing you wish for, you move on to wishing for greater things.

Become the change you wish to see.  If you want to experience more love in your life, become more loving.  All too often there is the misnomer that good-looking people receive love for being good-looking.  The truth is, good-looking people get exactly what they want: they get good looks.  If you spend your life making a tremendous effort to be good-looking, people will notice you, they will look at you.  However, that's all you get, you get looks.  You could spend hours in the gym, breeze off to the tanning salon, and spend hundreds of dollars on tight t-shirts and jeans that accentuate your figure.  If you then go to the bar or whatnot, people will look at you, it is true, they will find you good-looking.  If you go to the gym to cruise good-looking men, and give them alluring stares, it is true they might stare back, but there is no real connection.  If you post photos of yourself on your social network pages, people will look at them.  You will be good-looking to hundreds, maybe millions of people, but you'll still be lonely.  Why is that?  It is the Law of Attraction: attracting to yourself the energies you create.

Become the change you wish to see.  Think of your goal: is it to be more good-looking to more people so you get more looks, or is it to become someone who attracts people to them for the purpose of human interaction?  Think then about what is attractive, what makes you want to spend time with another person?  You like a person who finds you interesting.  If you walk by a stranger and he tells you he likes your shoes, you feel really good.  If he continues to compliment different things about you, you feel a need to respond, you like the energy he is giving out because he is getting interested in you.  Therefore, to bring people to be attracted to you, you must give them reason to find you attractive, you must make them feel welcome.  The more often you do it, the more natural it will feel.  Eventually it will be like second nature.  Start with just random people, or friends, just keep being open to feelings of giving and see what conversations form.  Interested people are interesting.

Further the previous idea, become the change incrementally.  What are the qualities you want in a partner?  Make a list.  Do you want someone who brings you breakfast in bed, is neat and tidy, smells like rosewood, makes you laugh, does charity work in his spare time?  Take these attributes to yourself.  Become the change, become the person you are seeking and you can't help but attract them to you.  Make people laugh, prepare a meal for someone in your life now with love, find a perfume or cologne that you enjoy the smell of and envision the love of your life finding that scent on you irresistible.  If you are of the opposite gender of your perfect match, don't let that stop you.  If you want someone who is handsome, he is handsome because he takes care of himself physically, so do that for yourself. 

Above all, don't worry about perfection, you are becoming the change, not being the change, you are moving in the right direction.  Life is a journey, a gradual step by step process: we learn how to walk by discovering motion, then crawling, then standing up straight, then moving one leg at a time, and we'll still fall down while trying to get it right.  Even today we may even stumble while walking.  Finding ways to make yourself lovable attracts love to you.  Enjoy the process of discovering you so that when that perfect match does find you, he'll get exactly what he wanted, the love of his life.

The Story behind J.E.T.

I'm going to take a moment to address some concerns from the fans.  Recently I've received several comments on my photos asking me to go back to the version of my image that's a little less creative, basic catalog look would be the best description.  Last year, 2011, was the first year I really began to experiment with my looks.  I've slightly altered my look a little every year, but only the most die-hard fan would notice that.  Last year though I began to really experiment with my image: hair color changes and the integration of clothes originally designed for women.  Truth be told, granting myself this freedom to play, I've never been so happy and at one with the universe.

Those clothes may have been originally designed for women, but the truth is, clothes have no gender, they are not living things, we give our clothes gender.  A blind man would not know whether a tank top was cut to fit a woman's body or a man's, and a young child doesn't know boys don't wear dresses unless a parent tells him so, and that parent would not know unless someone told him, and so on. 

If you read my book, I'm Enough or the online article "The Boy Who Talked Like a Girl," you recall I grew up in a home where a girl could do anything a boy could do, but a boy couldn't do everything a girl could do.  I love ornate things, that which is accented with ribbons and jewels, and shoes with heels make me feel taller.  As a child I didn't know I wasn't allowed to have the things my sister had until someone told me boys couldn't have girl things.  I was that young child I just spoke of in the previous paragraph.  I hung onto that idea for the longest time, and it effected much of my life.  I've always had girl things: I'm obsessed with japanese dolls, and jewels, and I have a whole collection of things accented with rhinestones, but I hoarded these things and would only bring them out when I was alone.  If I didn't get a record deal, or a song of mine didn't chart, I was told it was because I wasn't a pretty girl and therefore unworthy of being a singer.  At some point I finally had to say that all this just wasn't true, that I wasn't inferior to a girl and therefore, I could do anything they could do and do it well.  That was the beginning of my transition into not only allowing myself to experiment in the public eye, but also realize I need to help others see what I'm seeing.

We don't think it odd if a woman plays sports, wears loose fitting jeans, or has an interest in engineering.  These are all things when my mother was a child that were forbidden.  Why do we need to say a man in heels is wrong?  Has everyone forgotten the platform shoes of 1970?  And who's to say a man still cannot wear a skirt?  The only reason we reject these notions is because we're stuck in paradigms of gender identity.  Our identity isn't determined by our clothes, we all know this and yet we're still judging.  One fan told me I was doing drag in my photos.  He was calling it drag because from his perspective a man is trying to be a woman when he wears women's clothes.  A man is only doing drag when he's impersonating a woman.  I'm not trying to look like a woman, I'm playing dress-up and wearing things that boost my confidence and I have fun wearing.  I don't care if something was meant for a woman, if it's fun to wear I'm going to rock the sh*t out of it.  Mark my words, there will come a day when a man in heels will be as normal as a woman in pants.

So I say this friend, experiment with your thinking.  Is there something you think is cool but you can't imagine yourself in it because you're afraid of what others will say?  Is there something you see someone wearing that you feel is gross or inappropriate?  Feelings in both those instances come from fear and insecurity.  Instead of feeling fear and insecurity, how are you going to practice love today?  How would love see the things you are seeing?  See the universe as a friendly place and everyone around you becomes just that.  I'm working on it, and I think we all should.

The Truth about Good Posture

Posture.  I've touched on the subject before but I would like to go into depth on why it is important to have good posture.  The only reason I bring it up is because I have rather horrible posture *_*, but just recently I've realized how I need to stop it, and I'll explain why.  I look down at the ground when I walk most of the time, or I look up at the sky.  In turn I often feel lonely, and I've developed the reputation of being shy and unapproachable.  In fact, I'll look anywhere possible to avoid other people's faces.  A paradigm of mine is a fear of looking strangers in the face and meeting their eyes.  The fear stems from childhood when I would look someone in the face and they would say something mean to me.  It's silly that I still carry around such a fear, and so from this point forward, as I encourage you to work on your posture, I commit to working on mine as well. 
What is the reason for good posture?  Shoulders back, eyes focused on the horizon, and a smile across our lips, really impacts us on a sub-conscious level.  When you take this stance as you move around your day, it becomes inevitable that your gaze will meet the people you cross.  By saying hello to these people, maybe even asking how they are, or complimenting something about them, it will in turn open you up.  It's impossible to feel bad when you are being pleasant to another, and for them to acknowledge your kindness is an amazing feeling.  Think of how good you feel when you tell someone you like their shoes, etc., and they respond with a thank you, or even may compliment you on something as well. 
That is the purpose of good posture: you're building your confidence with complimenting others, and over time this translates into you feeling like a friendlier person.  If you are in search of the more friends, or the love of your life, by feeling these feelings more regularly, you are attracting such into your life.  Remember like attracts like, friendly people who feel loved attract just that.

Self Love in Circumstance

Almost everyone knows what it is like to be loved unconditionally.  And if we don't know maybe what it is like, we know what the phrase unconditional love means.  It means loving without any reason to love, a love based on pure trust that that other person will love us no matter what and we them.  No matter who is in your life, there is always one person we can love unconditionally, and that person is ourselves.  Loving yourself unconditionally is more than just saying "I like myself," in the mirror, it's also remembering to never condemn anything you do.  If you think you do something that is bad, or irritating to others, or you say things like "I'm just a bitch, deal with it!" that's not loving yourself, that's coming to terms with self-hate, which will just make you feel uncomfortable and lower your self-esteem over time.   Be okay with being you at all times.  And when you say or do something that you feel was in the wrong, remind yourself it was simply an experience that is now in the past, and when a similar situation arises again, you will take different action.  Just the thought of knowing you will handle things in a more positive way in the future is a step up from sitting there and reminding yourself you did something wrong.  The idea of rewarding yourself everyday is also very powerful overtime.  At the end of each day, ask yourself, "what did I do right today?"  Make a list if you can.  The more you focus on what things are good in your life and the things you're doing right, the less of an emotional impact anything bad will have on you.

Becoming an Upper

A very interesting thing happened to me last night.  I ran into an acquaintance of mine who I met about two years ago and we had a lovely conversation.  At the end of the conversation I said something to the degree of "We're friends, we should hang out more."  Without turning around he responded with a "No, probably not.  I'm told I'm kinda a downer to be around."  I didn't think too much at that point and simply answered, "Well I'm an upper.  If you hang out with me I'll help you make the shift into upper, so I've been told."  And with a mutual laugh we parted ways.
Around 2am that morning I woke up unable to fall back to sleep again, and the thought entered my mind that I had once been on my acquaintance's side of the conversation, only my conversation partner was not so kind as I was.  It was in the summer a few years ago.  I was dating an older gentleman long distance.  For about a year and a half I would every few months hop on a plane to go visit him.  I was enamored with this man, he was blond and looked like prince charming from a childhood fairytale.  I finally summed up the courage to ask him if he would like to take the relationship further and be my boyfriend, maybe I could even move to his city so we could be closer and get to know one another was my suggestion.  At this point he fell silent.  After what seemed like a very long amount of time he answered with, "Well Joel, I don't really think I want to date someone like you because you're kinda a downer.  You're just such a sad person and I'm a happy person.  I spent so much of my life being sad I feel like I only want to be around happy people now."  I fell silent and simply stayed silent until he drove me to the airport.  How do you respond to someone telling you you bring them down just by being you?
I didn't think I was a sad person until he had said something, up until that point I just thought I was me.  Earlier in 2010 when I restarted my spiritual work I realized that most often I did tend to sit on the negative side of things, that I felt great power from pointing out things that were wrong in situations.  The saying goes, pay attention to what you are paying attention to, your thoughts control how you feel.  If you are thinking negatively about the things around you, they're going to affect you negatively and you'll feel bad.  The truth is, circumstances are circumstances, we only notice if they are bad if we are focused on bad feelings.  In other words that man may have said he was a happy person, but if he truly was happy he would have only seen the good things about me, he would not have been so insistent on the idea that I was a negative person unless he was mainly focusing on negativity.  Conversely, during our conversation last night I did not even notice my acquaintance saying anything particularly negative, I was simply enjoying having a familiar face to hang out with.  After he had said that he was a downer all I wanted to do was convince him he wasn't, or at least bring him to my level of perception, that it was fun talking to him.
My experience last night showed me how much I have changed over the years, that inevitably people really can change for the better.  If you think you are a negative person, you can change that perception by just noticing your thoughts.  Whenever you notice yourself stating a negative judgment, ask yourself, "is there another way to look at this situation, what is the good in this?"  And if someone you know thinks s/he is a negative person, remind him/her something you like about him/her, over time the continuous reassurance to yourself as well as others that you and they are wonderful people will help create a wonderful shift.  Here's to happiness ^_^!

Nobody's Ugly

I wanted to talk about appearance.  It's on my mind quite a bit.  I play with my appearance contstantly, almost everyday, because I find it amusing to alter my appearance.  I don't want to look the same everyday.  I love mirrors because they show me how something looks on me.
Growing up I despised the mirror, I didn't want to know what I looked like.  It frightened me to be photographed.  I often hid on picture day.  There are actually no photos of me during my freshman and sophomore years in high school.  I can't pin point the shift in my life, when the enemy that was my appearance became my best friend, confidant, and shelter from the outside world, but indeed it was for the better.
There still was a glitch though in the system though.  It was that I started to notice what others looked like.  We have a safety mechanism in our system known as our judgment.  It serves a purpose, we can't survive without judgment, the easiest example being we know a hot stove will burn our hand.  Sometimes though we use our judgment too much.  When we look at other people and deem them ugly or beautiful, it can damage us.  Although on some level this judgment is needed so we can determine what appearances make us feel good to be around, the reality of it is when we make a judgment about another person, we're stating indirectly how we feel about ourselves.  When you say someone is ugly, you're really saying you feel ugly.   Although it's nice to find someone beautiful, it's only nice when you can feel beautiful too when you think it; all too often we're saying they're beautiful in comparison to our perceived ugliness.
It's true, in my early modeling days, I had to look at thousands of images of other men when I sat down with photographers, and I hated it.  They would ask me what I thought of other models, and I thought they meant "tell me what is inferior or superior about this person to you."  If I saw even the slightest of what appeared to be a flaw with these models, I would point it out, sometimes even make fun of them.  At the end of it all I felt gross.  If I said someone was fat, that evening I would most likely look at myself in the mirror and think I needed to loose a bit of weight.  If I said someone had an ugly face, I started to notice aspects of my appearance that I wasn't comfortable with.  It also frightened me to think what others were saying about me when I wasn't there.
If we are ever to feel good about the way we look, truly feel good, we need to let go of any judgments we may have of the way we and others look.  We need to accept the appearance of all, and understand they look that way for a reason only pertinent to them.  This is not to say you need to pay attention to every appearance that crosses your path, but simply try it, look at someone you would normally deem as ugly, and look at someone you would normally deem as beautiful, and cease all judgment of that appearance and simply see them as beings, living, breathing, loving, just like you.  The moment you can escape your judgments, the moment you'll be able to feel good about your appearance, no matter what the situation.  It might take some time to develop an attitude of such, but trust me, it is worth it.

The 2nd Part of the Golden Rule

Many of us had heard the classic phrase: "Treat others as you would like to be treated," and for most part we make an effort to practice such.  We give our attention to others with the personality we would want to be presented to us.  A smile for a smile, a compliment for a compliment.
This is only half the process of becoming one's true self, the other half of the golden rule I read for the first time at the end of chapter 14 of Wallace Wattles' The Science of Getting Rich: "What I want for myself, I want for everybody."
Now one may wonder, "Why would I want for others what I want for myself?  Surely there are things I want that would not be wanted by other people, like if I want a pink sweater surely the old man on the street corner doesn't want a pink cardigan?"  The truth is, this statement doesn't apply necessarily to specific things, but rather to the idea of "that which I desire" being more so a "to be" concept. 
An example, "I want to be wealthy, living in a warm home, and able to afford any luxury I desire."  Apply the golden rule to this.  How does it feel to say "I want everyone to be wealthy, living in warm homes, and able to afford any luxury they desire?"  It can't possibly feel anything but good.  Imagine everyone in the world being of a wealth where they can live comfortably.  Indeed, it would be the start of world peace if the competition to survive was wiped away.
It's similar to giving a friend a gift that you yourself wanted and seeing their face light up as they open the package.  You feel like you have done some good giving someone you love something that you desired.  Not allowed dolls of my own, I one time bought my sister a barbie outfit that I saw in the store that I wanted, and although there was a little jealousy in watching her receive it, the majority of my feeling was of happiness knowing she enjoyed getting it.
Sometimes the things we want feel so out of reach we take an iron grip on them and go crazy wishing and wanting for them, and feel devastated day after day in their absence.  When this happens, practice the golden rule.  Picture yourself receiving what you want.  Then, picture someone you love receiving what you want.  Then extend it, imagine everyone receiving what you want, even the ones you despise (everyone means everyone, do not judge anyone as less than worthy of receiving something you want, for we are all one and the same, and by denying them the riches you are saying you don't deserve it either).  Practice this with everything, even the things you have that you hold dear.  If you have a favorite outfit, imagine everyone getting the opportunity to wear their favorite outfit too.  By doing this practice you develop a sense of compassion and generosity in you, and that sense will increase your own sense of generosity, and as we know, generous people receive that which they strive for.

Paradigm Busting

We are not our past, we are not our memories, and yet we have a tendency to cling to what we've done or experienced and say that is us.  We say if the thought of joining in a group of children when we were young frightened us, that it is logical that it still frightens us today to walk into a bar or social event and engage the people there. 
We make choices though, as to what we hold onto as adults that we experienced as children.  If a program on television or a movie had a character who scared us, we're not necessarily going to be scared of that character at age 30 when we see it again.
What is it, that makes some memories stick to our subconscious and drive us to insecurities as adults?  The answer lies in the opposite, why some situations and things don't affect us as adults is because of our reasoning mind.  Our reasoning mind tells us what should be good and what should be bad.  It's not that anything is specifically good or bad by definition, but our reasoning mind tells us what is good or bad for us according to what makes us feel safer.  It also tells us how to react to things when they occur repeatedly.  We often call these things paradigms: our reactions to stimuli on a daily basis, habitual patterns.  For example, one of my paradigms is that I cannot walk into any social gathering without feeling anxious and the need to run out.  I wasn't born with this instinct, it was developed over years of exposure to crowded rooms of strangers where I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing when I entered the room.  However, I have found that it is just a matter of adjustment to my surroundings.  The first time I went to any of the gyms I joined I had the same issue, but when I started going to that gym on a repeated basis, and had routines to do there, I found that no matter how crowded the gym was it did not bother me.
I was able to use my reasoning mind to realize that when I had a purpose, plan, and familiarity with the situation, my paradigm didn't exist.  I've experimented with this theory, that if something I am normally fearful of comes to me, that if I reason what my intention is in this situation, that if I can make myself a plan during the experience, that fear if not entirely goes away, lessons to a great extent.
Use your reasoning mind to bust your paradigms.  There's no reason for your to fear anything, nor assume certain tasks are impossible when you know you need to do them.  It's a matter of perception, and we all know, overcoming a fear feels so good.

Setting Your Intentions for the Day

Blessed be all in this wonderful new year ^_^.  Now that we are coming into new days where everyone is wishing another good tidings, here's a great tip for truly putting forth the effort to make each day a good day.  Some people call it "setting your intention" for the day, others call it a "to be" list.  It takes about five minutes and you just need a piece of paper and pencil.  Each morning make a list of 3-5 things you intend to be that day, and write them as if they are happening right now.  I use the "to be" list method, so at the top of the paper I write "To Be List.  Today I am..." and then under that I make my list.  Specifically, today I wrote, "1. a person of increase in all of my affairs.  2. friendly and welcoming to those I come in contact with.  3. open to new ideas from a higher power regarding my next move.  and 4. able to see the positive in every situation."  Done over time, not only will this feel as routine for you as brushing your teeth in the morning, but you will actually begin to "be" that person whom you are saying you will be.  And you'll feel better too, setting positive intentions at the start of the day will subconsciously if done repeatedly begin to manifest itself in your attitudes all day long.  Things that once sent you into anger or sadness will not be as heavy on your heart, you may be able to pass them by entirely.  There's no proven time span for when this will start to take shape, but I can tell you for me I've been doing it for over half a year almost every morning, and I started to feel the shift in my daily attitude around the third month.  I've also noticed the day just doesn't feel right when I don't make a list that morning.  Try it for a few months and see what happens.