I thought about what attraction is this afternoon. I was driving down one street and I passed a street a former lover of mine lives on. It was a strange moment for me because I have passed that street dozens of times in the last few months and felt rather uneasy, sometimes angry even. Today was different though. I was thinking about love the instant I crossed that intersection. I was thinking about the fact that I've never been in love. I was thinking about the fact that none of my romantic partners have ever been in my life longer than three months. In times past when I have thought of him I have thought of the list of things wrong with him, but today I was thinking what I liked about him, and I started to understand just what attraction is.
The truth is I am almost always the one to get dumped. On the other hand although I have felt a break-up feeling from the relationship, that of abandonment and sadness, I always know that person lacked things that I seek in a partner and was kind of glad the relationship had ended. I have high standards when it comes to a partner, but in all honesty we all should have standards for ourselves as to what we want. For example, I could never form a serious relationship with someone who didn't like himself. All too often though because of my lack of focus, I've found myself with people with perfect bodies that still think of themselves as "fat," or men that even after various plastic surgeries and being on steroids still feel that I am better looking than they, which ends up making me feel uncomfortable because I don't want my lover to feel that I am better than they, I want someone that no matter what he or I looks like, he sees me as his equal.
Arielle Ford in her book, The Soulmate Secret, instructs the reader to create a very specific list of qualities s/he wants in a soulmate on every aspect. Everything from religious views to sexual orientation she advises one list. This, she explains, does not mean that everyone you meet needs to match the list to a "t," but the list should serve as a guide to redirect your thinking so that you are in a mindset of looking for that which you deeply want whenever you meet a new potential mate.
I bring this up because when I thought about that former lover of mine today, I was reminiscing about the qualities he had that were on my list, and it made me feel good. He was someone I could have both silly and serious conversations with, and he was someone that I just felt good when I was around. It wasn't the person I was recalling, I was picturing those aspects of him that I enjoyed that made me feel good and putting a face to them. During that whole instant I thought to my self "it would be wonderful to have a person like that again." That is what attraction is: the ability for us to see in other people the qualities we find most important in the human race.
The last time I wrote out a soulmate list was in 2009. As I think it is now time to reassess that which I once thought I needed so that I can create a better picture in my mind of what I am looking for, I encourage all of you to sit down this weekend and write out your soulmate list. Lovers come and go, and imperfect relationships should be temporary, but the mate that is a perfect match for your soul is the one you are supposed to end up with.